Page 32 of Knot So Social

My heart leaps. As I thought, that’s the problem at the core of all this friction.

“But we haven’t even set a date.” A soft chuckle slips through my throat.

“Yeah, and I think that’s why. I keep asking myself if this is really happening, and if we’re right for each other. Stupid, restless stuff.”

An ache squeezes my chest. “Are we? Right for each other?”

“Yes. You know I chose you, Joel.” Her voice lights up, and I can picture her smile. “You’re my man.”

I stare into the darkness, the light spots glowing from the surrounding streetlamps burning my eyes. With all my heart, I want to hold onto my laughter, and nurture this fragile love between us. Drive straight home to her and hold her in my arms, even. But an instinct I can’t explain holds me back.

If she chose me, does that mean she can just as easily unchoose me? I thought we chose each other. We even picked out her engagement rings together, before I’d officially asked.

“Where are you?” Tracey asks, her tender voice reminding me of hundreds of phone calls when we first started dating.

“I’m at Jeremy’s house.”

The momentary silence makes my heart speed up.

“Is he okay? Is he injured?”

“He has a concussion, and some cuts and grazes. He’s out of hospital, but he’s supposed to be monitored.” I can’t resist a little dig, just a snippet that tells her I was right to leave. “Head trauma can be very serious.”

“Right. Tell him I said hello, and hope he’s feeling better soon.”

I slump back into my seat. “Thanks, Tracey.”

I wind down the window to let more breeze into my van. Crickets chirp in the dark, the distant hum of a freeway serving as the backing track to their mating serenade.

“When are you coming home?”

I tap my finger on the windowsill. “Am I welcome home?”

“Of course, Joel! This is your home too. It’s so empty without you. I miss you, honey.”

Right. She’s sorry, and she loves me. I’d be a real bastard to hold onto my anger now when she needs gentleness and understanding. “I—"

A truck drives slowly along the road, reversing when it misses this small unit block. The headlights flash over me as it turns into the driveway behind where I’m parked.

“I’ll be back after work tomorrow.” I brush one hand across the grocery bags sitting on my front passenger seat. “Jeremy needs me tonight. Can you wait for me?”

“Of course I can.” Her voice lifts with relief. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Love you, honey.”

I echo her words, a vague unease pinching at my throat. Is what we have really love?

The truck parked behind me switches off its lights. I don’t have time to sit and contemplate the phone call, so I get out and drop my shopping on the oversized step that counts as a porch.

“Hey, Jeremy?” I call, pounding on the door. “Come out here.”

He plods out, bare chested and wearing boxers. Clearly he was getting ready to turn in early.

“’Sup? Geez, how much did you buy?” he grumbles, looking at my grocery bags.

“Never mind the bags.” I grin and jerk my thumb over my shoulder. “Someone’s here to see you.”

He squints into the darkness. “Who?”

The car’s seller hops out. “Evening. Am I in the right place?”