Page 85 of Deadfall

I didn’t think he’d been gentle this time, but I glanced up at him through the tears on my lashes.

“Thank you,” I ground out quietly through my tightly clenched jaw.

Riggs rose to his full height and pulled his pants back up.

“That’s better.” He moved toward the door. “From now on you’ll make yourself available after every job. And I expect you to be more grateful than you were today. I’m doing all of this for you, Syn. You can at least do this for me.”

I was glad when he left and shut the door behind him because the rage I felt at his words would have surely earned me another slap. The tears fell harder as the reality of my situation caught up. I hated Riggs for making me do that. I hated him for not caring about my past, for not listening to me when I started to panic, and said no.

I turned on the water, intent on washing him off my body. Whatever attraction I may have had toward him—no matter how toxic—was now gone. I scrubbed until my skin was raw, but I knew this was only the beginning. He wouldn’t stop. And the worst part was I still needed him. I still needed the team. I needed more time, and that meant I was going to have to endure him.

As I climbed into bed that night, I brushed away the last of my tears and vowed that those would be the last ones I cried for him. I would play the game I needed to play. I would appease Riggs until I got what I wanted. It was all a means to an end and there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do to put a stop to the people who took everything from me.

38

EMERSYN

Age 21

True to what Riggs said that night, after every job, I was expected to show up to his bedroom and have sex with him. The first few times were hell as I tried to navigate the mine field that was Riggs’ emotional state. Everything I did seemed to trigger him, and I came out of those times more beat up than I ever got in the field. He was rough, violent and selfish. But, I was adaptable and I soon discovered what it took to play the game. Once I figured out how to appease him, the violence wasn’t as intense and I resigned myself to the inevitable.

If the other men noticed, they stayed out of it. I’d always known they were loyal to Riggs, and this solidified it. It was easy for them to see me with a black eye and claim it was a casualty of the job, and not from their team leader, and friend.

Except for Hangman. Hangman specifically would look me up and down every morning after a job. In the beginning, he would check in and his continuous questions were annoying, but endearing. I even caught him in a few heated conversations with Riggs, but eventually those dwindled, as did the concerned questions. I’d made my bed and he knew it.

Unfortunately, with this new game I had to play, I developed a disastrous anger issue. The house always suffered the worst of it, as after jobs I’d come back and adrenaline dump into the walls or doors. I knew I risked too much if I took it out on Riggs, so I got as much of it out of my system as I could before I had to disappear into that hell.

Tonight was no different. I walked into the house with Riggs on my heels as he picked apart everything I’d done wrong in the field.

“You took that corner too fast.”

“Why didn’t you wait for me to clear that room?”

“You’re a fucking shit shot, Syn.”

None of it was true, but it was hard to not let some of it sink under my skin. With little else to occupy my time, I’d taken to honing my skills until I executed at a level that was hard for the men to ignore. Except for Riggs. Nothing I did was ever good enough. I slammed my fist into the nearest door as I passed.

“Typical woman,” Riggs scoffed. “Way to get emotional.”

I stopped in my tracks and for a brief moment, I contemplated hitting him, but he sauntered off to the kitchen before I could speak. I stared murderously at his back until Jamal gently bumped my shoulder.

“Great job tonight, Syn,” he said quietly.

Hangman did a chef’s kiss. “Textbook perfection.”

Some of my anger dissipated. At least Riggs’ criticisms weren’t shared by the team. I headed to my room, only to round the corner of the hall, and there was Riggs headed toward me. I’d hoped to at least have a minute to myself before I had to go to him, but it looked like I wasn’t going to be that lucky.

Riggs followed me into my room, and I resigned myself to what had to happen. He grabbed my face and pressed his lips to mine. His kiss was bruising, mostly teeth and tongue. I turned my head and shoved him toward the bed, hiding my resistance to his kiss behind the guise of pulling my shirt off. He ripped his own shirt off, then pants until he was naked.

I followed right behind him, and we collapsed onto the bed. I hissed as he shoved two fingers inside me, but my body was already wet for him. It’s like the damn thing knew what to do already. No time was wasted as he lined up his cock. He bent down to kiss me again, but I turned my head. I didn’t want to kiss him. It was too intimate, and made me think about things I wanted in a relationship but didn’t have. I felt too close to him when we kissed, and it made me all too aware of all the ways I was complicit in this disaster. Plus, a small part of my brain wanted to keep that sacred. Riggs was quickly taking everything, and most of the time I felt unmoored, and out of control of my own life.

I shoved those thoughts away before they could escalate and get out of hand. It was not healthy to think too hard about what I was doing. Especially because sometimes on jobs, all the killing made my control slip, and all I wanted to do was sink into it. The darkness inside me would surge and instead of becoming too much, everything was just right. The death, the blood, the feel of the gun or knife in my hand, and the subsequent fire that burned it all to hell after—it was beautiful and dangerous.

I allowed my mind to go blank as Riggs buried his cock inside me in one hard shove. I knew what he wanted, so I groaned and wrapped my legs around him. I’d quickly learned if I faked it, he finished faster and was less mean. He picked up the pace and I settled into my act.

A few minutes later, I could tell Riggs was close, but suddenly he stopped and pulled out. I felt his cock against my ass. My eyes flew open and I glared at him.

“No.” I’d managed to hold him off from doing this by redirecting anytime he got exploratory, but I knew Riggs would only tolerate that for so long. The head of his cock pushed, the no going unheard, and ignored, as usual.