Page 82 of Deadfall

“What?” Riggs said at the same time I said, “How do you know that?”

“Let her go, Riggs,” Lev stated.

I yanked my arm out of Riggs’ grip. He let me take a few steps away from him, his face filled with shock that mirrored my own.

“Your father?” Riggs stammered.

Lev ran a hand over his face. “Sit down, both of you.”

I collapsed into a chair at the counter, and Riggs yanked out a chair at the table and sat down.

“Syn, I’m sorry for prying into your personal life,” Lev started. “I looked into you pretty soon after you showed up on my doorstep. I got your full name from Sacha’s paperwork.”

I sighed. I should have anticipated this.

“I thought you said your family was dead?” Riggs demanded.

When I didn’t say anything, Riggs slammed his fist down on the table. I jumped and Lev went to speak, but I beat him to it.

“My father might be alive,” I muttered.

“Well,” Riggs turned to Lev. “Is he?”

I stiffened in my chair and my chest felt tight. This was it—I was about to learn the truth. Lev frowned at Riggs.

“If Syn wants to know—”

“I don’t give a fuck,” Riggs snarled. “Is he alive?”

“It’s okay, Lev,” I said. “Is–is he alive?”

My hands fisted the hem of my sweatshirt and I wasn’t sure I was even breathing properly.

“It’s complicated,” Lev said. “I found a record of him in Austria dated around five years ago. Since that time there’s been nothing.”

Since that time there’s been nothing. So, I was back to square one. But, I did have a glimmer of hope. Lev’s information proved that my father survived the clearing in the forest. I’d always had some fear that Albatron had shot him too. My nightmares loved to play out that scene sometimes.

“There are some businesses I still want to investigate, but as of right now, he’s a ghost. If you want me to keep looking—”

“No,” Riggs interrupted.

“No?” Lev repeated.

“You heard me,” Riggs stood up and walked over. I watched him warily as he approached. “You have to choose, Syn. You either want to get revenge and operate in the present, or you walk backward into the past, and try to find a shadow of what could have been.”

“That’s not really fair to ask that—” Hangman protested.

“I’ll not teeter on the edge of sentimental insanity,” Riggs said coldly. “She chooses, or I shut it all down. We’re not here to chase ghosts.”

I could feel the small cracks in my heart at the thought of putting away the hope, maybe for good, that my father was still alive. I must have had a look of devastation on my face because Lev’s eyes filled with pity, and Hangman took a step toward me. Riggs flashed him a glare and he froze, his look of anguish quickly replaced by submission. The rest of the team was either staring with equal parts pity and trepidation, or they were focused on anything but me, as the tension in the room thickened.

The shitty part was, I could see the logic in Riggs’ ultimatum. We didn’t have the resources to be stretched thin. I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth to focus on revenge, and figuring out what happened to my father. A small voice told me I was justifying Riggs’ toxic behavior and not to fall into his trap, but with all of the men waiting on my answer that would decide everything, I felt the pressure to go with Riggs’ decision.

“Fine,” I said, my voice barely functioning.

I’d pick a side—for now. I’d do what I set out to do—tear down the people who’d caused harm and then, and only then, would I search out my father and learn the truth. Besides, what was a few more years? I’d survived half my life without my father—what difference did a few more years make? At least, that’s what I told myself to keep the grief from overwhelming me. I stared at the floor, but saw Riggs nod curtly out of the corner of my eye, satisfaction written all over his face.

“That’s settled. Abandon the search, Lev. Ready the brief for tomorrow—we meet in the war room in fifteen.”