Page 24 of The Beast

Her hand flies to her mouth. “But—but he knows better.”

I shake my head. “He’s different,” I say, my voice so low she has to lean in. “He believes it, Harp. He really believes I was right there. That I killed him. But I could never—” The tears are flowing again, and she pulls me back into her arms.

“He wants revenge,” I whisper. “He means it, too. I know his face. He wants to hurt me. Probably to kill me.”

“That’s insane,” Harper says, holding me tight. “Gabriel knows you. He knows you would never do that.”

“I was the only one who knew about the cabin. He gave me the address once because I was going to Colorado for a ski trip. So from his perspective it all adds up. It all makes this horrible, twisted kind of sense.”

“Except it doesn’t because it’s not true.”

“Of course it’s not true!” The words come out louder than I intended. I force myself to lower my voice. “I loved him. I still love him. I would have died for him. But he looked at me tonight like I was a monster. Like everything we had was a lie.”

Harper’s quiet for a moment, then she tilts her head and furrows her brow. “You said he kissed you. But he thinks you tried to kill him?”

“The bastard was punishing me.

She hugs herself. “That’s harsh.”

“Yeah,” I say. “But I’d wanted it to taste like hope. Especially when he…” I trail off, certain my cheeks are going to burst into flame.

It takes her a second, then she whispers, “That prick.”

“I’m so fucked up,” I whisper, after I break down and tell her the full-on NC-17 version of what happened.” My tears are falling freely now, and I’m not bothering to wipe them away. “I wanted it, Harper. Even knowing what he believed about me, I wanted it.”

For a moment, she just looks at me, then she holds out her arms, and I slide into them, losing myself in her hug.

“I should hate him,” I tell her. “I should want nothing to do with him.” My voice cracks. “He’s been alive this whole time, suffering, believing I betrayed him. And even with everything he said, everything he believed about me—I still love him. What does that say about me?”

“It says you’re human,” she murmurs. “It says you loved someone with your whole heart, and you don’t know how to stop just because he’s become someone different. Probably because now he’s wearing armor to protect himself. And god knows he was already hard enough. But underneath, your Gabriel is still there.”

“Maybe. I don’t know. It feels like he hates me.”

“Maybe he does,” she says gently. “Based on what he believes, he would. But you can’t hate someone that intensely unless you loved them first.”

I want to believe her. God, I want to believe that somewhere underneath all that ice, my Gabriel still exists. That he’s just hidden, not gone.

But I keep seeing his face as he told me to get out. Cold. Triumphant. Cruel.

“There’s something else,” I say, pulling back from the hug.

“More? Oh, you poor thing. How can there be more?”

“David.” I watch her face as the name lands. “Earlier tonight. Before the text came. We...you know.”

Understanding dawns in her eyes. “You and David?”

“It just happened. We were watching a movie, and we’d been drinking wine, and we started talking about how neither of us had been with anyone in a while. And we might as well be friends with benefits, especially since, oh, we’re going to be married.”

“Wow.”

“Yeah,” I say. “I know. And then I got the text and bolted. So add another man who hates me to my karmic scorecard.

I scrub my hands over my face. “I didn’t even tell David anything. I just saw Leo’s text, and I bolted. He probably thinks I freaked out about the sex. About crossing the line with him.”

“Did you? Freak out, I mean.”

“No. I actually think it’s a good plan. Or I did before Gabriel came back. From the moment I got that text, I didn’t think about David at all.” I look at her miserably. “What kind of person does that make me?”