Page 16 of My Cruel Salvation

“Tell me.” This time, the words aren’t a request. They’re an order, and my body clenches tight around him in response to that commanding tone.

“He … he gave it to me,” I confess, closing my eyes as I draw out the memory. “Danger, I mean. It was rough. Wild. Hard.” With each word, I rock against him, my eyes closed as I let the memory of that night crash over me again. “I knew it wasn’t real, that it was just a fantasy, but I still got lost in it.”

Devlin’s hands cup my hips, helping me ride him, hot and hard. “Go on,” he says. “Tell me the rest.”

“I was on him, like this, but he flipped us over, and his hand cupped my throat. He was inside me, pounding into me, and I couldn’t breathe, and I was trapped.” I feel my pulse quicken in both fear and excitement as the memory rakes over me. “It wasn’t real, but at the same time it was, and I came so hard I thought I’d explode right there.”

I swallow, then open my eyes. “He looked at me the way you’re looking at me now. And he whispered, ‘there’s no pleasure without pain.’”

“He was right.”

My lips twitch. “He was. And he told me…” I draw in a shuttering breath, surprised by how hard my heart is pounding. “He told me that if I wanted that—if I needed it—I could come to him.”

“And did you?” he asks, as if we’re talking about a real man and not a figment of my imagination.

“No,” I say, my voice low. I hold his gaze hard. “I said I didn’t want him. That I only want you.”

For a moment, he doesn’t move. Hell, he doesn’t even breathe. Then he lifts a hand and brushes my cheek, and it’s only then that I realize I’ve begun to cry. “I knew, Devlin. Not consciously, but somehow, deep inside, I knew that my savior in that alley was you. And I—I brought you back here. In my mind, at least.”

He brushes a tear away. “That wasn’t how it had been between us.”

Our one night together had been sweet. Wonderful, yes. But sweet. So I understand what he’s asking. That shift from sweet too rough. From gentle to punishing.

“No,” I say. “But what else could it be?”

He studies me, and I know he understands, because he’s seen the way I flirted with danger. The way I’d pushed the envelope in order to cling to that thrill of surviving. Of flipping off Fate who had ripped everyone I loved away from me. But, dammit, she hadn’t grabbed me yet. It’s addictive, that rush. Even now that Alex is back in my life as Devlin, pulled out of the void into which Fate had thrown him, I can still taste the thrill. I don’t push in the same way that I had before, when the way I drove could have sent me off a cliff. I’m careful now because of him. Because I can’t bear the thought of rolling my car and losing him. But do I still crave that rush?

Yeah. So help me, I do.

He’s studying me, and I know perfectly well he sees that need in me. How could he not? Devlin has always been the one who saw me clearly. And then, before I can even wrap my mind around what’s happening, he lunges forward so that I land on my back with him on top of me, still inside me.

“What—”

But I don’t get the question out, because his hand is at my throat, and his eyes are hard on mine, full of the question. With anyone else, I would never say yes, but with Devlin, it’s different. I trust him completely. I know that he understands my limits, and that he would never play this game if he didn’t know how. “Yes,” I whisper, then close my eyes as he takes full control, his cock thrusting deep inside me as my body tingles and a wild euphoria takes over me, painting my rising orgasm in bright colors and vibrant sensations.

I feel him inside me. I hear his groans mixed with his low words telling me to come with him. But I’m not me anymore. Instead, I’m sensation and experience, passion and pain, I’m at that place we all try to reach and so rarely get there. And as I burst apart—as I explode completely in his arms—all I know is that I actually reached the stars.

He eases off me, and I draw a deep breath, snuggling close as his arms go around me. “I love you,” he whispers, the words bringing me even more pleasure than the orgasm and filling me up all over again.

“I know,” I say. “I love you, too.”

I’m not entirely sure how he managed it, but he’s shifted us around. We’re both on our sides, spooning, and he’s behind me with one hand reaching over, lightly stroking my pussy. “Keep that up, and we’ll need a round two,” I tell him.

“I’d be okay with that.” He pauses, then adds, “You liked it.” As he speaks, his hand snakes between my thighs, as if how wet I am is proof of that truism.

“God, yes.”

“Tell me why.”

“You know why. I’ve gone from flirting with danger to flirting with you.”

He chuckles. “If that was flirting, I’m very interested in your definition of actual sex.”

I have to laugh. “Good point.”

“But you haven’t answered the question.”

“You know why,” I say. “Because I flirt with danger.”