Page 56 of My Beautiful Sin

He meets my eyes and nods. One single tilt of his head. “Yes. You do.”

I lean forward, resting my forehead against his as he strokes my back. I don’t doubt that he loves me, but I also know that we’re still finding our way together, like a toddler trying to walk. Our romance when we’d been Alex and Ellie had been like a bright flame, a Romeo and Juliet love that had ended appropriately in tragedy.

Now we’re having to work through the remnants of that, but we still click, maybe even more than we did back then. But that doesn’t mean it’s not terrifying, and it doesn’t mean we both don’t know the real truth—everything ends. Nothing is permanent. And though I want to believe that we will be together forever, I know the dream can be ripped away from us in a heartbeat.

He knows that as well as I do, and I wonder if that’s why he hasn’t yet said he loves me. Not out loud. Not like Alex did.

He calls me El, yes, and I take comfort in that, but he’s never spoken those simple words. I know he loves me—hell, even Tamra says he does. But I still long for the words. And I think that until I hear them, I’m going to keep protecting my heart, just a little, even when he’s holding me close.

With a sigh, I force these melancholy thoughts away. I sit up straight again, the movement reminding me that he’s naked beneath that sheet. Warmth floods my body, a sensual hunger, and I consider abandoning my question in favor of simply kissing him and letting us both get lost in oblivion. It’s so tempting, and yet at the same time, I want more than physical closeness. I want to peer into the places that Devlin keeps hidden. I know that maybe he won’t ever let me in, and I’ll deal with that when I have to. Now, though, I’m going to keep knocking at that door.

I draw a breath. “Can I ask you something?”

“Of course,” he says.

“What if we’d never found each other again? Would our time together as Alex and Ellie still have been worth it to you?”

I both see and feel his body go tense, and I know he’s trying to discern the dark hole in my mind from which I pulled the question.

“How can you doubt that?”

“It’s just a question,” I say, trying to be casual.

I keep my eyes on his, as if I can see the answer before he speaks. But there are no clues in those sandy irises. Not until he says, “I’ll tell you a secret—I prefer the woman who’s with me now. She’s all grown up and she’s a force to be reckoned with.”

Tears prick my eyes as he continues. “The Ellie I fell in love with as Alex was still a child in so many ways. I loved her, yes, but we were both too young to know what that meant. Now, we know what we have in each other, and I know what it is that I want to protect.”

“Devlin—”

He presses a fingertip to my lips and doesn’t miss a beat. “But I keep the El from my past locked in my heart, where she’ll stay for my lifetime. Hell, she’s the reason the foundation is here, she’s the reason...”

“What?” I ask, my throat thick with tears.

“She’s—you’re—the reason I try to be a better man.”

“What do you mean? You’re about as good as they come. You’re even getting an award for it in a few weeks.” I add a teasing grin, deliberately trying to lighten this moment that is tugging so hard at my heart.

“You’ve heard about that?”

“Tamra told me.” I lean forward and brush a kiss over his lips, full of pride in this man. “The World Council Award for Humanitarian Services. You deserve it.”

“There are a lot of people who deserve it. They named me, but everyone at the DSF has a piece of that award.”

“They do,” I say. “And I’m still very impressed.” I flash a flirty grin. “I might even want to be your groupie.”

His lips twitch, and I can’t help myself as I reach up to run my finger over the scar that bisects his upper lip. “Is that so?” he asks.

“Would I lie?”

He tilts his head, studying me, and I feel the subtle shift in the air, as if the electrons surrounding us have begun spinning faster, generating heat and creating a force that is leading us inexorably toward each other. Gone is my awe at his sweet words. Gone is the teasing. It’s stripped away, leaving me and Devlin and the need laid bare between us.

“I don’t want a groupie,” he says as his hands lightly stroke my skin from the curve of my ass up the small of my back.

“Then what do you want?” My voice is husky, and it’s taking all my willpower not to undulate my hips, rubbing myself over the sheet and the steel of his erection beneath.

“I want you,” he says, making my core throb in anticipation. “I want to taste you. To sink inside you. I want you on your back beneath me, and, dammit, El, I want to know you’re mine.”

“Don’t you already?”