Page 4 of My Fallen Saint

Chapter Three

For months, being with Alex was both torture and bliss. It was like living in a pressure cooker, and I think we both knew that the day would come when we couldn’t fight it anymore.

Then, right after Christmas break, Brandy’s dad pulled up stakes and moved the whole family to San Diego with barely any notice at all. We’d been devastated, and the day before she left, I helped her pack her room and stayed until her mom said I had to go because the movers were coming at five in the morning. I’d left reluctantly, fighting back tears so that Brandy wouldn’t lose it all over again.

I got home to find Alex waiting up for me, ostensibly catching up on Uncle Peter’s paperwork. I’d hurried up to my room, unable to even talk to him without risking more tears.

I’d been about to doze off when I heard the light tap at my door. I propped myself up, assuming it was Uncle Peter coming to say goodnight. Instead, it was Alex.

He shut the door behind him, then stood on the far side of the room. “I wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m sad,” I admitted, and it was as if the words were permission for the tears to flow. “I don’t think I’ve been this sad since Daddy died.”

“Oh, Ellie…” I barely registered the fact that he’d crossed the room to me. That he was sitting on the edge of the bed, and I was upright and clutching him, sobbing against his shoulder.

I don’t know when he slid into bed next to me, but he did. We were both fully clothed, him in jeans and me in PJs, and he held me tight as I snuggled against him. He stroked my hair, and I cried myself to sleep. Not only because Brandy was gone, but because I knew that one day soon, Alex would leave for college, and I’d lose him as well.

Nothing happened that night. Nothing sexual, anyway. But emotionally? Well, whatever bit of my heart I’d held back was fully his by morning. He snuck out before Uncle Peter arrived, and we shared a secret smile in the kitchen as I made toast to eat on the way to school. Just a normal day. Except it would never be normal again.

After that, every day held smiles and shared glances, and I floated on a cloud knowing this wonderful guy had become my rock. Someone solid and real in a world where everyone I loved kept getting ripped away.

I didn’t have a party on my seventeenth birthday. With Brandy gone and Alex out of town for some work thing, I couldn’t muster the enthusiasm. Instead, Uncle Peter took me out to dinner, and when he went out later that night, I took a twilight stroll down the beach to the tidal pools.

I sat on the rocks, careful not to slip into the pool and disturb the tiny ecosystem. The moon was full, so there was enough light to see the silver fish, brown anemones, and all the rest of the sea life that lived in that fragile little world.

I was bent forward, watching a hermit crab navigate its way across the pool, when I heard the soft pad of footsteps behind me. A spike of fear shot through me, and I jumped to my feet, not even thinking, and lost my footing. I started to go down, certain I’d either squash all the critters in the pool or scrape every bit of exposed skin on the rocks.

But then suddenly I wasn’t falling. I was flying, being pulled off the rocks and into Alex’s arms.

“I’ve got you,” he said as my blood pounded in my ears. Not from my near miss, but from his proximity. From the sensation of his body pressed against mine as he held my upper arms tight in his clenched hands.

Our eyes met, and though I’ve never considered myself particularly bold, I moved first, tugging my arms free so I could wrap them around his neck as I rose on my toes and closed my mouth over his.

There was no fear, no worry that he’d push me away. I’d known in the instant before our lips met that this was the way it had to be. This perfect, intense moment that ignited a firestorm inside me as he cupped the back of my neck, pulling me closer until I felt like I could crawl inside of him.

“Ellie,” he murmured when we broke apart, and hearing my name on his lips was like throwing gasoline on a fire. I wanted him. All of him. And once again, I lifted myself onto my toes and lost myself in the taste of him.

He hesitated only a moment, but in those few seconds, I feared he’d push me away. But then he made a low noise in his throat and thoroughly claimed my mouth, his tongue tasting and teasing, dancing with mine as his hands slid down to cup my ass.

He pulled me close to him, and I moaned when I felt his erection against my belly. I’d never been this close to a guy, and the proof that he wanted me that way burned inside me, making my inner thighs ache and my core throb.

Then suddenly he wasn’t cupping my rear anymore. He had one hand down the back of my shorts and I was spreading my legs, offering him all of me.

“Please,” I begged, gasping for air. I wasn’t even sure what I was asking for. His finger? His cock? Did I want him to lay me down in the sand and make love to me? Did I want him to take me home?

All I knew was that the answer was yes. All I wanted in that moment was to be his, however and wherever he wanted.

When he looked down at me—when I saw the wild, raw heat in his eyes, I knew that’s what he craved, too.

This was happening. Oh, God, this was really happening.

But then something in his face shifted, and he pulled his hand out of my shorts. I heard myself whimper as he took a step back, breaking the contact between us.

“Alex?” I heard fear in my voice. Fear that he didn’t want me. Fear that I’d done something wrong.

“We can’t,” he said, taking my hand and holding it close to his chest. “I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you, Ellie. But we can’t do this.”

I tried to swallow, but the knot of tears stuck in my throat. And when I asked why my voice was little more than a croak.