Page 109 of My Fallen Saint

“Not tonight, Devlin. Just let her rest.”

I hear his voice, but not his words.

“Devlin. Devlin. No.”

More unintelligible words.

This time, Brandy sighs and comes back to me.

“He says you deserve to know all of it, and he should have told you at his house. He sounds—I don’t know. Broken.”

“Ask me how much I don’t care.”

She drags her fingers through her hair. “Can I just let him in? Let him say his piece, then he’ll go away. Who knows? It might help.”

I sincerely doubt that, but I’m not in the mood to argue. I’m too numb to even work up the energy for a good fight. “Fine. Whatever. But you have to stay.”

Her eyes go wide. “Um, I’m not sure I should be part of this.”

I grab her hand. “I am. He either trusts me enough to trust you, too, or he can stand on the porch all night long.”

“Okay.” She starts to leave, but I grab her hand.

“Wait. I—you have to promise. Whatever he says, it never leaves this room.”

“Sure.” Her forehead creases.

“You’re sure? I’m asking a lot.” I’m asking her not to report a murder. But dammit, I can’t do this alone. I can’t hear him out and keep it all to myself forever and ever. I wish I could, but no. If I’m not going to write it—and I’m definitely not writing it—I at least have to get it out. And right now, my only options on that front are to talk it through with Devlin himself or Brandy. And I want her.

She bites her lower lip, her brow furrowed as she studies my face. “Are you in trouble? He didn’t hurt you, because—”

“No. No. He’d never hurt me.” The words are out of me before I have time to think about them, but as soon as I speak, I know how true they are. He said he’d always protect me. And I believe him.

I exhale and sit up straighter. “If you’re okay with it, go let him in.”

She nods, then hurries that way. I hear the door open, then footsteps as they come toward me. I don’t turn around, so it’s not until he’s in the living room that I see him.

Like me, he’s still dressed in the same jeans and Tee he wore when we left the track, driving home what a horribly long day it’s been. On top of that, he still looks numb. “Thanks,” he says, then sits on the ottoman before looking up to Brandy. “Could you give us—”

“No,” I say. “She stays or you go.”

For a moment, he’s silent, then he nods. “Does she know already?”

I shake my head, and he nods again. Brandy’s eyes go wide and she holds up her hands. “Don’t worry about me. Just say what you need to say.”

He flashes a tight smile, then drags his fingers through his hair. “First of all, this is for the best. Us, I mean. Being apart.”

“Hello? If you think I’d be with you after—”

“Please. Ellie, please just let me finish.”

I glance at Brandy, who shrugs and nods. “Fine,” I say.

“I meant what I said,” he continues. “I will do whatever it takes to keep you safe, and I was a fool to think with who I am, with what I’ve done, with so many eyes looking for me, that I could keep you close. Because I can’t...”

As he trails off, I see Brandy look between us. But my eyes are only on Devlin, and though I’ve already shut the door between us, I can’t deny that hearing his words is a whole new wound to my soul.

“Then why are you here?” I keep my voice flat. Even a little cold.