Page 33 of Risking it All

“I am not almost forty.”

“If we round up, you are.”

“We’re not rounding.” He shook his head.

“OK, handsome old man.”

“I’ll show you an old man,” he said, standing and moving around to sit next to me.

“How do you plan on doing that?” I quizzed, excited about the possibilities.

“OK, you two lovebirds. Our final course is dessert,” Chef Antonio announced as he stepped up on the gazebo.

I laughed when Sawyer’s head fell back between his shoulders. When he lifted his head, he scoffed. “Perfect timing.”

“As usual,” Antonio replied, oblivious to whatever he’d interrupted.

Since we were sitting on the same side now, he placed wooden heart-shaped boards in front of where we were. There were chocolate covered strawberries, mini chocolate cheesecakes, and pink macarons on each of them.

“There’s no way you knew I loved macarons.”

“You’re right. I didn’t know what you would like actually.”

“He’s right. He made me bring a variety.”

“Damn, do you tell everything?” Sawyer asked, shaking his head.

“Just the good stuff,” Antonio replied, making me laugh.

“Well thank you both. This is perfect,” I commented.

“I’ll leave you two to it. No more interruptions,” Antonio said, dismissing himself.

Once he was gone, I picked up a strawberry and took a bite. Somehow, they were filled with cheesecake. Remnants of the filling clung to the corner of my mouth. Before I could reach for a napkin, Sawyer reached out and swept his thumb across it, slowing down as he gently brushed my bottom lip. When I looked at him, he was licking his lips.

“I’ve been trying hard as hell not to kiss those pretty lips. This being our first date and all.”

“So, you don’t kiss on the first date?”

“Oh, I’m a slut. I put out on the first date and everything. I want to be respectful to my date, though. I don’t want you to think this is all about sex.”

His response made me laugh before settling into a smile. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. How is your mental?”

“It’s better. I think going off my meds cold turkey triggered something. I’ve been taking antidepressants for the past few years, and they work well enough, considering.”

“Considering what?”

“Considering what a shit show my life is.” I sighed.

“What made you quit your meds?”

“You know that feeling when you feel so much better that you think you’re good? I had a moment of that. Things were going a little too good. I should have known better. Right in the midst of all that, I got some horrible news. A switch somewhere inside of me flipped, and I fell even further than where I started. I started back taking the meds after a few weeks, but that seemed to make my symptoms worse. I was having so many side effects that I quit them again.”

“Damn, I’m sorry to hear that.”

“I’m sorry that I keep dumping my shit on you.”