Page 171 of Masters of Secrets

“I think that’s perfect. I’m proud of you for making that decision.”

A ghost of a smile lifted the corners of Cassidy’s mouth.

“I’m proud of me, too. It’s getting a little easier to figure out what I want. As much as I want something new, I think having some familiarity will be good for me. I don’t want to change everything all at once, and starting with a new therapist… it would feel like starting over completely. I know part of it is not wanting to explain everything to someone new, but…” Her voice trailed off.

“That’s fine, Cassidy. There’s nothing wrong with that reason. You don’t have to tell anyone about your past or why you’re moving until you’re ready to. You don’t have to tell anyone at all unless you want to—well, other than Patrick’s cousin and his team. Though they already know a lot of the details.”

“Honestly, that makes it easier. That way, I don’t have to admit to any of them how incredibly stupid I am.”

“Hey,” Julie said gently, leaning forward. “We’ve talked about this.”

Cassidy huffed.

“I know. I still feel stupid. We always think, ‘oh, it won’t happen to me’, then it does, and I can’t figure out how it got there. How it was me.”

“Don was very charming. Abusers often are. People tend to think of abusers as malicious, deliberately doing things to hurt their partners. They think they’ll be able to spot the monster because they’ll always be doing terrible things. But the truth is, most abusers don’t see themselves as abusive. They justify all of their actions. Which means that most of the time, they look like everyone else. Don got into Stronghold because he was charming, he knew the right answers, and he didn’t show any signs of being an abuser at the club before you safeworded and he ignored it.”

“He wasn’t so charming when Iris intervened.”

“Because he was angry. A woman, a submissive, had interrupted him when he’d done nothing wrong. Then everyone backed her up instead of him. That shocked him. Even if he realized on some level that you were supposed to have a safeword, that kink is supposed to have consent, he didn’t really believe it. He didn’t walk in thinking, ‘I’m going to abuse Cassidy and get away with it.’ He walked in, thinking he had the right to do whatever he wanted, and you weren’t supposed to protest. No one was supposed to stop him. He wasn’t doing anything wrong.”

That was the most dangerous thing about many abusers. They were very good at hiding what they were because they didn’t feel guilt about what they did. Or they did feel guilt, and that guilt made them think they weren’t actually abusive because they did feel bad about what they’d done. Right up until they lost their temper and did it again. They didn’t consider themselves bad people.

“He could be amazing sometimes.” Cassidy rubbed her forearm, the movement appearing unconscious. “Especially when we first started dating. He could be so sweet and thoughtful. It wasn’t like he was always terrible to me. Most of the time, he wasn’t.”

“If abusers were abusive all the time, it would be easy to leave them.” Julie smiled sadly at her. “It’s called a cycle for a reason. That’s a large part of why it can be so difficult to get out. But you did get out.”

Wrapping up the appointment, Julie felt both exhausted and proud. She was just as angry as Cassidy that the submissive felt like she had to move for her own safety, but it seemed as though Cassidy had mostly gotten past the anger and moved into acceptance. Waving her off, Julie was just closing the door when her phone vibrated on her desk.

Walking over, she frowned when she saw the caller ID. Sandra never called her. They texted like proper millennials.

Her next appointment wasn’t for another hour and a half because someone had canceled today. Julie picked up the phone, her stomach churning nervously as she tried to think of why Sandra might be calling.

“Hello?”

“Hey,” Sandra whispered back. “Your mom is here.”

“What?” Even as she said the word, Julie’s brain went into overdrive, connecting the dots.

It was workday hours. Sandra was at work. Sandra worked with Connor. Which meant her mom had just shown up at the rehab center where Connor worked.

What. The. Hell.

Before she could respond, Sandra was whispering again. “She came in for her shoulder. It’s definitely frozen. She requested Connor.”

Julie’s jaw dropped open, and she sat down heavily in her seat. What the hell was she supposed to do with that? Her mom needed help with her shoulder. Sandra probably couldn’t treat her since they were family. The connection with Connor was far more nebulous.

What was she supposed to do? ‘I’m sorry you’re in pain, Mom, but I don’t want my boyfriend to help you?’

It didn’t matter that there would be a good reason for it. Her mom would harangue her about why she didn’t want Connor to be the one to help her. She would ask Julie if Connor wasn’t good enough. If Julie didn’t think Connor was a good physical therapist. While Julie didn’t care what her mom thought of Connor as a PT, she did care about not making Connor feel like she thought he wasn’t good enough to help her mom.

She also knew that her reason for not wanting her mom and Connor meeting up regularly without her around had a lot more to do with her mom’s past relationship with John than anything else. She also didn’t want Connor to feel like she didn’t trust him or as if she was painting him with the same brush as John. Taking several deep breaths, she lowered her head to her desk and very gently started banging her forehead against the wood.

What else was she supposed to do?

“I’m going to put you on speaker and get closer so we can listen in… just, don’t ruin it by talking,” Sandra whispered.

Immediately, Julie stopped banging her head on her desk. Just in case that sound carried over the phone.