Page 28 of Guarding Glenda

I just had to breathe. The sensation wasn’t unfamiliar. If I didn’t recognize it, I could spiral. But my senses were heightened. Looking for something to focus on, my eyes landed on the tats that ran from Leigh’s hand up his arm as he steered. Weird thing to lock in on, but whatever works. Pulling a deep breath in through my nose, I blew it out slowly through my mouth, and repeated that several times. Once I got my rhythm down, I mouthed under my breath, “Ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one.”

I repeated the breathing and counting several more times, Linny still squeezing my hand the whole time, when my shoulders finally relaxed. But I didn’t want to take any chances. So for the rest of the ride, I kept staring at the dark details and lines covering his hand, managing my breathing.

Finally, after what must have been around half an hour, we arrived in the parking lot. The rec center was all one level, an older building, but it was kept up with neat landscaping and they probably just had it power washed.

The truck stopped, and Linny unbuckled, but instead of getting out, she kept a hold of my hand and scooted closer to me. Leigh got out and opened the door, holding his hand out.

Reluctantly, I slipped my hand into his; the same one I’d stared at between the seats nearly the whole ride over. My stomach didn’t knot back up, but instead fluttered and I didn’t like how I reacted to his touch. Once I was firmly on the ground, I pulled my hand away and waited for Linny.

He shut the door, then walked ahead of us, looking around like he was scoping the place.

Linny slowed, pulling me closer. “Hey, you good?”

Forcing a smile, I said, “Yeah. Why?”

“What was happening back there?”

“Oh. Nothing. I get these little episodes sometimes.”

She lowered her voice even more as we got closer to the building. “Like a panic attack?”

Shrugging, I answered, “Yeah. Anxiety attack, panic attack. It was mild, though. I just had to count it out.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

Squeezing her hand, I said, “You already did. This,” I said, as I gently shook our hands, “helped. But sometimes, I don’t like to be touched. So if I ever pull away, don’t take it personally.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No, no. Seriously, that was perfect. And if I can’t handle touch, I’ll move. It’s okay.”

She gave a crooked smile and we finally caught up to Leigh, who was holding the door. “You okay?” he asked.

Why was his voice so smooth? And why did I look up at those dark, mesmerizing eyes? “Yeah. I’m good.”

He nodded as I passed him and he followed as we stopped in the atrium to look around.

“Oh, here’s a directory,” Linny said as she dragged me to the huge corkboard on the wall.

We found the room number and Leigh walked ahead, his gaze moving from door to door. Some were closed, some ajar. He stopped once we got to our room but after waving us inside, he followed.

“Are you supposed to be here?” Linny asked.

“It’s free group therapy. And it’s voluntary.”

She cocked a brow. “No.”

He looked at me then back at her. “Fine, but I’m not leaving until the session starts.”

She looked at me so I nodded. She pulled me closer. “Fine. Glenda, let’s get some coffee.”

As we walked to the table, I giggled. “I really love you, you know that?”

She finally pulled her hand away to grab us cups and fill them with coffee from the large carafe. “I’m still on the fence, but he doesn’t need to know that. Here.”

I took a sip and grimaced. “Wow.”

She put an obscene amount of sugar and powdered creamer in hers. She usually liked the flavored stuff, but it wasn’t typical to find that at a place like this. When she sipped hers, her whole face contorted. “Okay, maybe just water.”