Page 30 of Crusher

I’ve barely processed the fact that I’ve finally found my wife, who had my son, but got stopped at every fucking chance of contacting me about him. I’ve barely processed the fact that I had to save my son, I can’t deal with him right now.

“Not now, Killer,” I croak, hoping just this once he listens to me for his own safety.

I don’t have time for him right now, especially when, in my eyes, all this started because of him.

“You blame me,” he says instead of listening to him, and my jaw ticks, “I’d just found out that the night I cheated on your mother, a night that will forever haunt me because I have hurt the one person in my life I need to physically breathe, that I fathered another child. I didn’t think about my words, or the impact, I didn’t think about your feelings, or your mom's, I opened my mouth out of fear and so much fucking regret because your brother has been brought up by a druggie, while you, I ruined your fucking childhood.”

He sighs, “I could see all my mistakes after I said what I did out of shock on that football field. I was already feeling like shit because you had so much talent and I wasn’t there to support you until your last game. A game your mother threatened to divorce me over if I didn’t make an effort just once after she reminded me that for years you have jumped, skipped and rolled over every time I ordered you to do something. I recognized Blaze and fuck, I felt like a complete failure and I thought in my head that I could set you free to do what you want while also working with your brother to earn his forgiveness, to get to know him. Honestly, son, at the time, I was hoping you’d pursue a career in football because that was your calling, though now I am glad you didn’t. I’m glad the club fought to have you as an officer because you are fucking amazing but I really fucking messed up. I am so sorry I caused all this. I know if I’d kept my mouth shut, if I had asked you what role you would have preferred, because lets face it, you would have been amazing as road captain, then your wife wouldn’t be in that building praying that your son wakes up, they’d both be back in your home.”

Awesome, he’s trying to use my situation for his advantage.

“I can’t deal with this right now,” I choke, “Because if I do, I’m going to hit you.”

He sniffs hard, but I don’t look away from the night sky.

It doesn’t matter what he says, because it’s the truth. He did start all this by opening his fucking mouth, and I just ended things when I broke her trust in one of the worst ways possible.

“I fucking found it!” Trick states, gaining my attention, and I look across the parking lot to see he’s already got his hospital coat on, rushing our way.

The fucker and don’t ask me how, managed to get Kayden transferred to Hill Crest Memorial, something my wife didn’t contest because she knew Clark would be his nurse and Trick would be his doctor.

She hasn’t spoken to her mom, fuck, she hasn’t even left Kayden's hospital room. She’s even banned Belle from going inside, which Crash backed up, pissing his girl off, but she’s allowed his care to be moved.

“What did you find?” Dad asks as he clears his throat, seeing our conversation, or more his, is done.

“Everything,” Trick snaps, “every photo, every fucking text, every call Alex made over the years to you, I found it all.”

I grit my teeth and look up at the hospital before looking back at Trick as he explains, “The bitch even sent her a picture of your mom's old engagement ring, Crusher, and the baby, it’s fucking Willow. Alex wouldn’t have even know the existence of, including a photo of you holding her and fuck brother, honest to god if I didn’t know you, I would have thought you two were together by those pictures she sent,” he huffs, “She made it look like every time she came onto you that you wanted her back and I just don’t know who took the photos. I’ve searched all the cameras and there is fucking nothing. Someone was helping her keep you from getting your wife back, and fuck, I’m beginning to think there is a traitor in our club.”

“Well, looks like we need to start searching, and a certain bitch needs exterminating!” Dad snaps while I look at the hospital again.

It doesn’t matter what he’s learned, years of that kind of shit won’t just magically disappear from my wife's head, not after I lost her trust.

Fuck, I wish I hadn’t allowed the law to take care of that bitch who shot my son, because then I could have gotten my anger out.

Maybe I need to go fight.

***

I gently run my thumb along my bottom lip as I stare at Alexiana half an hour later, her head lying on our son's bed, her hand clutching his, asleep.

Kayden was taken off life support as soon as he got transferred after our doctors ran some tests. He’s now breathing on his own, but he hasn’t woken, though Trick is optimistic. Tests have shown brain activity, we just don’t know when he’ll wake up, or if he will, and if he does, there’s a chance he may have problems because of how much oxygen he’s lost.

I sigh as I lean forward and eye my wife again.

Seven days, for fucking seven days, I’ve finally had my eyes on her, and not once has she spoken to me. I’m at a loss as to what to do, especially after she left divorce papers in my bag yesterday, which I tore up and threw away.

I know I made a mistake, but haven’t I suffered enough for what I did? For not ensuring she knew that I’d always choose her after I cheated?

I missed out on her pregnancy, I missed out on the birth, his first steps, his first words, fuck, I may lose him without even knowing him.

I missed out on eight years without the woman I love most.

Why can’t she see that she’s all I want?

Fuck, why can’t she just hit me?

Alexiana breathes in deeply before she shoots her head up, but her eyes tear up when she sees Kayden still not awake. I swear my heart fucking shatters at the heartbreak that shines off her.