Page 57 of Once Upon A Christmas Song

“What’s wrong?” he asked, sounding worried, scared.

I’d seen it, the ache, the desperation, how tight he was holding himself together. Because yes, he’d hurt me terribly. But at the moment, he was wounded, newly out of rehab, and apparently, even before he’d gone in, he was counting on being with me when he got out. And yes, he needed to be his own lifeline, but hurting him wasn’t doing anything for either of us.

“Come here.”

I heard his breath catch as he stared at me, unmoving.

“No? You don’t want to?”

He closed the space between us, and I took hold of his hand. I watched him try and stand still even as he trembled slightly.

“Maybe,” I said softly, “let’s start with being friends again.”

He nodded quickly.

“And I’ll have some faith and listen, and you can keep showing up.”

“That would be… That would be great.”

“Okay,” I murmured, and wrapped him in my arms. I didn’t think I’d ever seen anyone who needed a hug more.

He melted against me, and I felt the shudder run through him as he clutched me tight, holding on, pressing his face into my shoulder, giving me his weight.

“Friends is a good place to start,” I told him.

“It is,” he agreed, his voice cracking. “But so you know, I remember everything. Every kiss, every time you held my hand, every time you held me down, how it felt when you looked at me like I was yours.”

“Dawson…”

“I will be your friend, I will be whatever you want, but just keep in the back of your mind, all the time, every day going forward, that I wanna be more. I need to be your guy. I want my lover back. I want my home back. And I will put in the time, I will take whatever you need to give me, just don’t send me away. I can’t go away.”

He shook his head when he said that last bit, as though even contemplating leaving again was simply too much.

“You’re breaking my heart, Sonny.”

“You think I’m pathetic because I need you more than you need me.”

“No,” I said emphatically because I wanted him to hear the truth. “It’s very brave to admit what you need. I envy that.”

“And what do you need?”

“From you?”

“From life.”

“I’ll have to think about that.”

He nodded but then said, “Tell the truth. You told me I was brave, and now it’s your turn.”

“I want a partner,” I admitted, leaning back so I could see his face. “Someone to love.”

His smile was huge. “Okay. Here I am.”

I scoffed. “We tried that already.”

“We haven’t tried it when I’m all grown up and know what there is to lose.”

“So you get to screw up and you get a do-over?”