Page 24 of Once Upon A Christmas Song

His words made me smile.

“But even the cigarettes had to go, right? I can’t smoke around a kid.”

“No.”

“You know me, I’m a two-pack-a-day guy, but where Daw and I went, they’re not fuckin’ around. They don’t do anything to make it easy.”

“That can be dangerous, can’t it?”

“Yeah, but we were, like, basically new to it. When we were playing in your club, and then on the road before we hit Nashville, we were poor. We couldn’t afford drugs or alcohol. We had to eat and pay for hotel rooms and buy water. None of us were drug addicts until we hit it big.”

“I see. So the place you went to get clean, they take how long you’ve been drinking and smoking and snorting and everything else into consideration?”

“That’s right. It’s in Oregon, out in the fuckin’ boonies, and there’s nothing there but the sky and the sea and this sanctuary for horses.”

“Horses?”

He nodded. “Once you get clean, you start working. Have you ever mucked out stables? That is gross, man.” He exhaled deeply. “But the things I saw there, the things people do to animals they’re supposed to care for… It broke my heart.”

“I bet.”

“So you take care of them, day after day, getting them to trust you, and the whole time you’re eating better, talking to these counselors as you work your ass off. It’s dark when you get up, and it’s dark when you go to bed. I didn’t even dream while I was there. Too fuckin’ tired. I used to shower and fall facedown on my bed, and that was it until the alarm went off the next morning.”

“It sounds like they purge your body and then your mind.”

“Yeah. That’s it exactly.”

“You want to walk with me, get a cup of coffee?”

“As long as it’s close. I gotta get Daw whenever he gets done talking to…well, not you since you’re out here with me so…who? Simone?”

I nodded.

“I figured.”

“Coffee’s right here. C’mon,” I said, hand on his shoulder as we walked.

Three doors down, we got espressos to go, then sat outside on the wide window ledge, which was just like mine outside the club.

“How long were you in rehab?”

“Me and Daw both went twice, three months each time, all at the same place. There’s like a beginners, and then the next level. We were both next-level fucked up.”

“Gotcha.”

“But I think because me and Daw did it together, we were roommates in hell and we both hated it so much, and because we talked about everything, especially our reasons for getting clean, I feel like that made it better, you know? He would remind me about the little girl Angie was carrying, and I would remind him about you.”

I glanced away, because that I could not bear to hear.

“Aw, man, it’s true, but I get that he just showed up outta the blue. I told him a million times, especially after he let the time between phone calls get to be too long, you know? I told him, for fuck’s sake, Daw, call the man and spill your guts, let him know everything that’s goin’ on. Tell him you’re gettin’ clean to come back and start your life.”

But he hadn’t, and that was all right.

“Hey,” Ben said, and I turned to look at him. “So while I was in rehab, Angie came to visit. She said she walks down here all the time to go to the park with Layla and stops in to see you all.”

I nodded. I liked Angela Jackson, and once I had separated her from Ben in my mind, I could see her and her beautiful daughter and not think about a life that could have been. And she must’ve felt the same, otherwise she wouldn’t have renewed our friendship. “Your little girl is gorgeous. You’re so lucky she came out looking like her mother.”

“Oh, fuck you.”