Page 66 of Newly Tied

He scoffed.

“No, really.”

“The only difference between us is I date. There is food involved and nice restaurants, drinks, and many times a movie, or a play, or a concert, or a sporting event.”

“Is there? Are we sure about that?” I was skeptical.

“You, on the other hand,” he plowed on, ignoring me, “go home with someone to screw, or take them back to your place and screw, and that’s it. You don’t even validate parking.”

“You’re funny,” I said, turning to leave the bathroom.

“You’re not done,” he told me, passing me a bottle of lotion. “That stuff isn’t moisturizing enough for me, but it’ll work for you until it starts getting cold. Then we’ll have to get you something heavier.”

“Heavier?”

“To lock in the moisture on your skin.”

“Are you kiddin’?”

“Why would I be kidding?”

“I don’t know anyone who⁠—”

“Yes, you do. You know me, you know Kohn, you know Malik, you know Miro. Men take care of their skin and their hair the same way women do. Don’t be so closed-minded, and like I said, I’m the guy looking out for you.”

Yes, he was. “If I do all this and stay pretty, you’ll keep me around?”

“It’s my place, as your partner, to make sure you take care of yourself in all ways, but yes, this will keep you pretty, and I like looking at you, and I don’t want you to get skin cancer, so we’re doing all this, every day, from now on.”

“Am I also to understand that you would prefer I do it from this bathroom and not the one I have at home?”

“That apartment is not a home. It’s a roomy closet at best. Its only claim to fame is that it has a very nice view from the bathroom.”

He wasn’t wrong.

“So yes. I would prefer if you brought your clothes over here. We can put your name on the deed with mine, and there’s a closet waiting for you. And guess what, your bike could go on the wall with mine on the bike hooks in the storage closet and not in the middle of your floor with the ironing board.”

“The ironin’ board also serves as a table.”

“Oh, I know. I’ve seen it.”

“I…it wasn’t permanent. I figured I’d get a house.”

He nodded. “Houses are nice. I think they’re really good for people who have time to mow a lawn and check insulation and have a dog.”

“Yeah.”

“At the moment, though, we get sent places to work task forces and transfer witnesses, and it’s normally done quickly, without warning.”

“True.”

“So, then, maybe a condo where someone else comes in and changes air filters, and fixes the water heater, and the garbage goes down a chute and not to the curb is the way to go.”

I shrugged.

“As an intermediate step, then, perhaps a cozy apartment with enough room for me to read and you to watch a game, or vice versa, might be a better idea.”

“Yeah. Might be.”