Page 13 of Ice Around the Edges

I sighed heavily, owning up to my piece of the mess. “Some of it, more than half of it, the reason we broke up…. yeah, most of it was how you thought your Dad felt and so in turn how your family would feel, but some of it was me. I loved you too much, too hard, and it was suffocating, so you got rid of me. I get it. I’m not stupid.”

“I never said you were stupid.”

I shrugged, hoping to piss him off, hoping he’d go away so I could be alone to process the last ten years of my life.

He looked at me hard. “I think it’s great that you know everything.”

“Not everything.” I gave him a slight grin. “But I do know the difference between being in love and being in lust and being a convenience.”

“You’re wrong.”

“I don’t think so.”

“You’re such an ass.”

“Sorry.” But I wasn’t.

“No, you’re not. Don’t say––you know I hate automatic apologies.”

I nodded. “Yeah, I know.”

“I think I should go.”

I nodded. “I think you should too.”

“I thought you needed me.”

“I used to.” I felt the sting behind my eyes. “Not anymore.”

He put on his leather jacket, adjusted it, and then faced me. “If you change your mind, will you call me?”

“Yeah,” I said, wiping a tear away. “You bet.”

He shrugged. “I always end up leaving.”

“It was good you came. It means a lot.”

“Did it?”

“Course,” I said, motioning him toward me. “Gimme hug.”

He moved fast, and his arms were wrapped around me, his face in my shoulder. “I’ll say it so you have it to hold over me… I want you back.”

“No you don’t.” I smiled, leaning my cheek in his hair. “You just got nostalgic when you heard I was hurt. It’ll pass.”

“No.” He pulled back, straightening up, turning for the door. “I want you. I’ll call you, all right?”

“Okay,” I said to his back as he left the room. It was a very dramatic exit. I was sure he was pleased. For someone who so hated theatrics in other people he loved performing himself.

III

I WAS having the weirdest few days. When I woke up from my nap after six that evening, having spent the day thinking about Dixon Bain and wondering what my life would look like if the man had stuck around, I was surprised to find Eric Downey in my room.

“Hey.” I smiled at him, wondering what my last fuck buddy was doing here. We had met at a party, and because I was drunk and he was horny, we had ended up in bed. In the morning, as uncomfortable as he had looked, desperate to get away from me, I had been certain that the assistant DA and I would not cross paths again. He was, by all accounts, a closet case.

“You’re awake.” He smiled at me, crossing the room to stand beside my bed. “I’m so glad.”

“Yeah?”