“Do you?” he asked again.
“Yes.”
He smiled at me. “Good.”
I watched him get up and walk to the bedroom. After a minute, he poked his head out.
“I was thinking that when I see Dr. Chang tomorrow, when I go have her check me out like Dr. Han said I’m supposed to, maybe I’ll have her recommend a therapist for us to see and maybe make an appointment. I prefer going to somebody’s office instead of going to a clinic, and I know that’s sort of elitist of me, but that’s how I feel, okay? I mean, you just got a promotion; I actually have health insurance… let’s get somebody good to tell our problems to, okay? Or, you know, my problems.”
I just stared at him.
He giggled.
“Lan––”
“Oh c’mon, I’m not stupid.” He grinned at me, his voice low and husky. “There really isn’t anything wrong with you, but I am a little too fucked-up possessive sometimes. I can own that now.”
“What brought this on?”
“When I was lying on the cot in that hunting cabin, I got really scared that I wasn’t going to see you again.”
I got up and was across the room fast, grabbing him tight, crushing him against me, holding him so I’d know he was really there with me.
“And I thought,” he said softly, “that if I did get to see you again, I would commit myself to being the guy you really deserve.”
“Landry, you’re better than I deserve.”
“You’ve got that backward,” he assured me, snuggling against me, taking a deep breath. “But as long as you think so, I’m happy. The thing is, I know I can be a handful, but you just press on like it’s normal, and you never freak out like everybody else in my whole life has. It makes you different, and so because I want you to stay, I want to change some so you will.”
“No matter what, I’ll never leave you, you know that.”
“But you might if I scare you bad enough or do something really stupid, so before that happens, before I lose it, I wanna talk to somebody.”
I bent my head forward, and we stood there, foreheads pressed together, noses touching, quiet and just breathing each other’s air.
“I’m never gonna take pills or shit like that, I just won’t, but maybe I can learn to get myself unfixated when I do that or realize that you being a nice guy and people wanting to touch you really has nothing at all to do with me.”
I smiled, so content with him there.
“I know you, I trust you, and so I need to stop being such a spaz.”
“I don’t love the jealousy, but I love you enough to overlook it.”
“Yeah, I know, but you shouldn’t have to. I mean, what the fuck?”
I chuckled, kissing his nose before letting him go.
“And you’re gonna go with me? To the therapist?”
“Of course,” I assured him. “You know I will.”
“And tomorrow at lunch, will you take me to see Kady’s old restaurant?”
“I will.”
“And can I go with you when you tell April the good news?”
“Yes, you can.” I smiled at him because he was getting so excited and lighting up, just glowing he was so happy.