Page 76 of Get A Fix

He groaned. “Shit. I wanted to say goodbye and tell them how much I appreciated that they made the trip out from Chicago just to keep me from being interrogated or⁠—”

“You said that to our boss. That was more than enough.”

“Yes, but⁠—”

“And you can tell them to their faces when you see them again,” I soothed him.

“When will that be?”

“Hopefully when you visit me, right?”

Jolting, he sat up straight and turned to look at me. “Shit. Yes, of course. I—God, what was I thinking? I’ll see them, of course I’ll see⁠—”

“It’s okay.” My tone was gentle as I took his hand in mine.

“I don’t want to give you any reason to doubt me or my feel⁠—”

“You haven’t. But just don’t worry about anything but your friend, all right?”

“But that’s the thing,” he said, exhaling deeply, holding my gaze. “And why I feel so shitty right now.”

I waited because he was working through something.

“I don’t know if I have the right to be sad.”

“Why not?”

“We weren’t close. We didn’t talk every day or even every week. We weren’t that kind of friends. I would have never shared a confidence with him I didn’t want everyone to know. We were more like really good acquaintances. Does that make sense?”

“Of course.”

“I mean, when I knew I would see him, I always looked forward to it, you know? We got along so well, and being an actor himself, he understood that desire to have people love you and love your work and want them to ignore you in public at the same time.”

“When you were together, you clicked and it was easy.”

“Yeah. That’s it. That’s it exactly.”

“I think some of what you’re feeling at the moment is guilt, don’t you think?”

“Guilt?”

“You didn’t want to make the movie about Voss unless he changed it, and knowing what you know now, that you might never see him again, you feel bad that you didn’t give him a blanket yes.”

He nodded.

“I didn’t know him, but was he the kind of guy to let that stop him?”

“No. Kit was probably making calls as soon as he got in his car.”

“Well, then let that go too.”

Deep breath in and then a long exhale from him.

“And you are allowed to grieve, Ash. You’ll miss him, and that’s enough.”

“Yes.”

“I’m glad you had him in your life.”