Page 92 of Floodgates

He stepped in close and cupped my face in his hands. “No. I was mad, and I’m so sorry I tried to—I wasn’t thinking. I should have been charming instead of letting my frustration boil over, but I just couldn’t manage it. I was too pissed.”

I changed the subject, easing free of his hold. “You really fit with them, Breckin,” I said, walking around the kitchen island to the other side, putting the barrier between us again.

“What does that mean?”

“You’re very comfortable being rich.”

“You make it sound like a bad thing.”

“It’s not, just different.”

“Well, different is good, and you could be comfortable too.”

“I don’t think so,” I assured him, my voice low. “My dreams are small. Celia’s are more like yours.”

“You have no idea what you’re talking about. You don’t know shit about Celia’s dreams.”

“But you do, right?”

“Yes, I do,” he snarled, annoyed all over again. “Celia’s dreams are all riding on me, that’s it, the beginning and the end. All she wants for her life is me.”

“Then that’s perfect for you.”

“No, it’s not perfect for me. You are perfect for me!”

His words sounded so automatic, and empty. It was like he knew what he was supposed to say, and so that was what he did. Why he was trying so hard, I had no idea. Maybe I was the first person who’d ever walked away from him, and his pride was ruffled. But whatever it was, it had nothing to do with me.

As I studied his face, I tried to see the old Breckin in the man now dressed for bed in monogrammed pajamas. With me he’d worn only the bottoms, and they were cotton, not silk. And the slippers he was wearing; I’d never seen him in a pair before. Normally, he wore crew socks, like me, if his feet were cold. Dumb things I noticed, things no one else would care about. But I cared; I saw it for what it was.

“You belong with me.”

“What about your family? Everyone loves Celia so much.”

“I don’t care.”

“That’s bullshit. Of course you do.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I see you, Breckin,” I said, and I could hear the chill in my voice. My disbelief was showing, and my anger. I was trying to be cool, but it was not working at all. “I see how you’re acting.”

“Oh? How am I acting? I would love to know.”

I waved a dismissive hand at him. “Whatever, fine. You wanna be a jerk, be a jerk. I’m going to bed.”

He came fast around the island and grabbed me. He dug his fingers into my upper arms and pulled me in close. “This is our whole life we’re talking about here, Tracy. You ready to just throw that all away?”

“You threw it away!” I yelled at him. “You, not me. You. I did not fuck someone else. I did not go looking for someone else. I—”

“I didn’t go looking for her! It was an accident, it just happened. There was no plan, there was no scheme, and I didn’t do it on purpose! You have to get over this, you—”

“I don’t have to,” I began, and then I saw a face at the window. “Oh shit!”

“What?” Breckin yelled, spinning around, frantic because I startled him with my yell.

Just for a second I had seen a white mask in the darkness. “Someone was there.”

“Outside on the deck?”