Page 121 of Floodgates

“And so what?” I asked, drawing out more of the story. “You saw me and Breckin together?”

“Yes,” he said, smiling suddenly. “And I was jealous, of course, because, really, he replaced Turi with you.”

That was hard to hear even though, in retrospect, with my new knowledge, I was certain that it was probably true. The reason Breckin had responded to me the way he had was because I reminded him of his first love, his dead lover. Everything clicked into place.

“But I was going to walk away. I was. Tim was collateral damage of looking for him, of course, but Breckin… I was going to forgive.”

I understood what had happened next.

“He looked so happy, and so did you….”

And I had been. Deluded, but happy, and I was glad I had been woken up. I just wished it had not happened as it had. I wished Breckin had just told me the whole thing: that I had made him remember someone from his past. That he wasn’t in love with me, but instead with someone who looked like me.

“But then he cheated,” he rasped, inhaling sharply. “And I didn’t understand. It made no sense to me. I mean, Breckin’s gay.”

“He’s not,” I clarified. “He’s bi, and as such, he loves women too.”

“No.”

“Yes,” I insisted. “You can’t make him something he’s not. He was as attracted to Celia as he was to me. Just because you’re not bi doesn’t make that true for him.”

“But he loved Turi.”

“I suspect you’re the one who loved Turi,” I said flatly. “I can’t speak for Breckin.”

He shook his head. “Whatever the case, he killed Turi, and now I’m going to kill what he loves—you and his child.”

“But—”

“Shut up!” he roared, striding toward us, gun raised, ready to kill me.

“Didn’t Turi kill himself?” I asked because I needed to give Cord more time to find me. I knew he was looking; I had been gone too long. He would have woken and called out for me and when I didn’t answer, he would have gotten up. When he tried to call me and found my phone still there in the room with him that would have tipped him off that something was really wrong. He was a cop—he had a cop’s instincts. I prayed I was right.

“I told you the story,” he snarled at me, unhinged that fast. “Breckin left him behind, and Turi lost hope.”

“No. Turi lost hope before Breckin left town. He killed himself because Breckin told him he wasn’t taking him with him. That’s what you told me.”

“Yes, but—”

“So isn’t it actually your fault?” I asked him. “I mean, if Turi knew you loved him, why wouldn’t he have lived for you?”

“No. It was Breckin—Breckin and Turi’s parents who didn’t give a fuck about him.”

It hit me then. “You killed Turi’s parents.”

He nodded. “They had no brakes when they hit that patch of ice.”

Jesus.

“All I wanted was to live my happily ever after with Turi, but Breckin took that from me, and now I’ll take from him. He’s been living on borrowed time.”

“Why can’t you just walk away?” I asked him.

“Because Breckin needs to be punished,” he explained as though it was logical. “He can’t just go on having a happy life. I mean, I know he doesn’t get to have you anymore. It’s obvious you’re in love with the policeman, but why does he get to have a baby? Why does he get to have a practice? Why does he never have to pay for Turi?”

“Because it was Turi’s choice,” I maintained, imploring him to listen to reason. “Breckin has made mistakes, but do you truly believe that was one of them?”

“I do,” he confirmed, sounding apologetic. “I was happy when Turi was alive. I was different. It’s like how you were happy before he cheated on you, but now you’re not.”