Page 20 of Trick Of Light

He squinted at me.

“You’re beautiful,” I murmured, overwhelmed with the sight of him.

All of it, the whole day, from the time we stepped through the portal to now, was beyond imagining, and already my equilibrium, my feelings, my perceptions of things were all out of balance, leaving me hesitant and unsure. Nothing about the situation was normal, and now, looking at the one person who usually provided a tether for me, he was unbelievably changed as well. Everything was different, and it was overwhelming.

I wasn’t the only one. When I looked at Simon, Leith, Ryan, and Julian, they were all sitting down under the sidewalk railing, and seemed as shaken as I felt.

Grabbing my wrist, Raphael yanked me close so that his mouth was next to my ear. “You have a wing kink, I can tell.”

He was teasing, and typically I took that bait, but I didn’t find it funny now, and my reaction unnerved me. It was hard to breathe through my desire to put my hands all over him. And it was strange because I always wanted him, of that there was no doubt, but this was different. It felt weirdly like it was crucial to brand him or bite him or do something that would show everyone he belonged to me. And it wasn’t a want or hunger or craving, but instead a mixture of panicky fear and absolute, devouring need. I couldn’t lose him.

“Love?”

Everyone from the angels to the gathered crowd was looking at him in awe, and I could feel how hot my skin was, like I was running a fever. My chest tightened, my stomach clenched, and it was hard to speak around the lump in my throat.

“Look,” he said softly, and lifted his left wrist so I could see his bracelet, my bracelet, the one representing our exchanged vows. And it helped, but still, I had this ridiculous, nearly overwhelming urge to attack him.

“Hold on,” Leith rumbled, coming up beside me, pulling me away from Raphael and having me bend over. “Breathe. Just try and breathe.”

“What the fuck?” I managed to get out, doing as he said, but to no avail. I was hyperventilating.

“It’s okay,” Leith soothed me, rubbing my back, touching me more in that moment than he had in the entire time I’d known him. “This happens to me sometimes too.”

“What?” I croaked out.

“It’s like a weird hypervigilance about your mate. It used to happen to me a lot, and I’d go from being me to being this crazy person so fast… It was scary as hell.”

I wanted to tell him to go on, to keep talking, but my voice was gone.

“All of a sudden it would hit me how much I loved him and needed him and how stupid everyone else must be not to want him as well, and for a warder, it’s hard. I’d be afraid to let Simon go anywhere without me, and I definitely needed to put a mark or something on him so everyone would know he was mine.”

Yes. That was it exactly. Any of the beautiful celestial beings around me would want Raphael. That only made sense.

“Jael told me it gets worse outside your routine, in a different place, and this could not get any more different.”

I nodded.

“And you’ve already lost a hearth, so you know what it feels like.”

Closing my eyes, I felt the shudder tear through me.

“He’s fine,” Leith said, probably to Raphael. “But listen, we all heard the other day how bound to you Raph really is, so you need to let that sink in and then pull your shit together.”

Yes.

He scratched my head, gave me another pat, and then I was alone, still bent over, before Raphael was there, hand in my hair, tugging gently until I straightened and he took me into his arms, clutching me to his chest.

Strange to wrap my arms around him and feel the wings. When I touched them, I felt him shiver slightly.

“Tell me the wings don’t scare you or make you want me less,” he whispered roughly, his voice fracturing at the end.

I had told him they were beautiful and then fallen apart. From his side, all he saw was me being upset. I understood how I could be freaking him out.

“I love the wings,” I promised, and let him hear that the words came from my heart. “And I love you.”

His relief, evident in his exhale and how tight he held me, made me smile.

“I just had a slight meltdown, but I’m fine now.”