The word hits with more force than I am prepared for. I look away because suddenly I cannot get enough air. My lungs feel locked, and I drag in a breath that does nothing to steady me. I put one hand on the back of the bench and lower my head for a second, trying to absorb what she has just confirmed.
When I look at her again, I am angry. Not the clean kind of anger I know how to use. This is grief with nowhere to go.
“How could you do that?”
Sophie flinches.
“How could you let me go all this time without knowing I had a son?”
“I was scared.”
“That doesn’t answer it.”
“I know.”
“Then answer me.”
Tears spill down her face, but she does not look away.
“I found out I was pregnant when everything was falling apart,” Sophie says.
“The investigation was everywhere. The article had come out, my work had been taken and twisted into something I never agreed to, and I couldn’t reach you.”
I say nothing.
She continues, her voice shaking now.
“I quit. I handed in the phone, the laptop, everything connected to the Journal, and then I realized I was pregnant. By that point, every headline with your name in it was vicious. Every person around Blackwell was being dissected. I kept thinking about what would happen if anyone found out.”
My jaw tightens.
Sophie wipes at her face.
“I thought they would turn the pregnancy into another story. Another weapon. And when I couldn’t even get past your assistant to speak with you…I thought they would come after me, and eventually they would come after the baby too.”
“So you left?”
“Yes.”
“For California?”
“My sister was here. I needed somewhere I could breathe.”
I look at her.
“And that was enough to keep him from me?”
“No,” she says immediately.
“It wasn’t that simple.”
“It feels pretty simple from where I’m standing.”
“I know how it looks now.”
“Do you?”
Sophie closes her eyes for a second before opening them again.