“A little, but not like before.”
“I’m coming home.”
“You don’t have to rush back before we know what this is.”
“I already booked a flight.”
Emma exhales. “Sophie.”
“I’m coming.”
“I know you are.”
I sit on the edge of the bed long enough to pull on my shoes.
Emma lowers her voice.
“He’s scared, but he’s okay. I promise.”
“I know.”
“You don’t sound like you know,” she say.
“I’ll calm down when I see him.”
Emma is quiet for a beat.
“That sounds more like you.”
I reach for my coat.
“I’ll text you when I get to the airport,” I tell her.
“Okay. I’ll keep you updated.”
We hang up.
I close the suitcase and look once around the room, making sure I have what I need. My thoughts are still racing, but now they have somewhere to go.
Theo first.
Everything else can wait.
I pull the suitcase into the hallway and head for the elevator.
By the time the plane levels out, Emma has sent another update telling me that Theo is fine. The doctors think it is a stomach bug complicated by mild dehydration. They have checked him over, given him fluids, and released him. He is tired, but he is alert, talking, and already asking for crackers. I read the message twice before some of the pressure in my chest finally eases.
I type back immediately, telling Emma that I saw the update and that I am on my way. She responds a minute later to say she is taking Theo back to my townhouse and will stay with him until I get there. I keep the phone in my hand for a while after that, even though there is nothing else I can do from thirty thousand feet.
The rest of the flight gives me too much time to think. Once the fear over Theo starts to ease, everything else rushes back in. The night with Julian. The conversation before it. The realization that he tried to reach me after the article, just as I tried to reach him, and that both of us spent years believing the other had chosen silence.
For so long, I have lived inside one version of what happened because it was the only version I knew. Now that version has cracked open, and I do not know what replaces it.
The problem is that the past is not the only thing sitting between us anymore. There is still a part of my life Julian knows nothing about, and after last night, that omission feels heavier than it ever has.
Once the plane lands at LAX, I make it through the terminal as quickly as I can and slide into the back seat of the car waiting outside. I call Emma before the driver has even pulled away from the curb.
She answers on the first ring.