Page 43 of Tell No Lies

Marilyn Monroe said it perfectly: “If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

After focusing for a few seconds on calming my emotions, I turned to her. “No, Mckayla. This is who I am when I have a rough night. I can’t be perfect all the time.”

Her face softened until she sighed. “That’s not what I meant to say. I’m just worried about you. Actually, I’m always worried, but seeing you like this is a red flag. What’s going on?”

“I just had a bad night.”

“You said that already, but it doesn’t answer my questions. You could have post-sobfest eyes for a number of reasons. Favorite show got canceled, you stubbed your toe, you talked to your mother … anything, really.”

I tried to laugh at her attempt at humor, but it turned into a huff. I contemplated telling her about Carter, but I didn’t want her to judge me for having feelings for my older brother’s best friend who was not my current boyfriend. It sounded even worse when I thought of it that way. What was wrong with me?

“It was just something I had to get out of my system. I’m over it now.” I checked the mirror one more time and confirmed that I looked only slightly better before handing her compact back to her. “Let’s go meet everyone before class starts.”

Reaching behind her to get my bag, I snuck a look at her and caught the disappointed look on her face. I wished she would understand that I shared all of the important stuff with her, but this was too personal. Judging myself was enough; I didn’t need others weighing in.

She silently followed me to the quad where our friends were already sitting. Mike saw me and jumped up from the table. Sliding his arms around me, he squeezed me in a hug that turned out to be exactly what I needed.

I snuggled into him and enjoyed the feeling that was exclusively Mike. He was my Polynesian god, my protector, and now my boyfriend. When I was with him, things felt perfect. Maybe if I could manage to spend all my time with him, the heartbreak and emptiness would disappear for good. With Mike, I didn’t notice the absence of Carter. He was enough to fill the cracks and make me feel wanted.

I smiled up at him and caught him staring at me.

“Good morning, gorgeous. Miss me?”

“Yeah, Mike. I really did.” The words felt true, but I knew there were conflicting thoughts floating around the edges of my conscious that would move in when he was gone.

“Here, I brought my letterman for you to wear.”

He lifted his backpack from the table and revealed the jacket decked out in the school colors, navy and yellow. His name was embroidered on the back for the whole school to see who had claim over me. I knew it was tradition for girls to wear their boyfriend’s jackets—in the fifties. I hurriedly put on a smile and pretended as if I didn’t feel like he’d just branded me like a cow.

I lifted my hair from beneath the jacket, which had gotten trapped when Mike put the jacket on me, and grabbed my bag as the bell rang and people began dispersing.

“Come on, babe.” He held out his hand, and I accepted, knowing this was the final signal that cemented our relationship status. I was now one-half of a whole.

Once we were seated, he leaned forward and whispered into my ear. “So, can you make it to practice today?” It took a few seconds for his words to make sense.

I turned in my chair to face him. “I have team practice tonight. We’ve got our first competition this weekend, so I’ll be at the studio every day this week.”

“Really? That sucks. I need my cheerleader there.” He winked and opened his notebook.

“Maybe after competitions are over I’ll have a free afternoon, but I probably won’t be able to come anytime soon.”

“Well, can you at least come to the spring games?”

“It just depends on when they are. I’ll try, though. Are you going to make it to my competition this weekend? It’s the first time I’m performing my solo.”

“I’m going paintballing with the guys, so I’ll probably miss this one.”

The bell to start class saved me from saying something I’d regret later. He expected me to skip dance practice right before a competition to watch him, yet he wasn’t even planning on coming to my first big show. Because of paintball. Did he not see how unfair that was?

I sank in my seat and tried with little success to take notes. Mr. Cox, a creature of habit, took up less than half of the class time with his lecture before releasing us to start on the assignment. I jumped up and grabbed the bathroom pass before Mike had a chance to scoot his desk forward. I needed to get away from him.

As I opened the door at the end of the hall and stepped into the quad, I almost ran directly into Gage. With one look at me, he gathered me in his arms and gave me what I needed: a moment of comfort without judgment or questions. He wasn’t the one I necessarily wanted it from, but it was much better than dealing with Mike.

Gage gave me a final squeeze before stepping back and holding on to my shoulders. “You look pretty down for someone who’s half of the school’s new favorite couple.”

I dropped my gaze and gave a cowardly shrug.

“Well, I have office aid this period, so I am free to walk around for a few minutes if you want to join me. No talking necessary.”