Page 32 of Trick Play

She couldn’t do what? I was being dragged every time I turned around. I was trying. I was doing what I could to pull my weight with this project, and she wasn’t bothering to meet me even close to halfway. I knew my past actions were reprehensible and she would rather be anywhere but here, but neither of us could afford to let our emotions get in the way of getting a perfect score on this project. We had to find a way to get along.

I shut my laptop and slid it back into my bag. “What exactly can’t you do? Go to Pittsburgh? Work on this with me?”

“I can’t pretend like this is okay.” She waved her hand between us. “Being around you. Talking to you, working with you, and acting like there’s nothing between us is torture. I don’t want to go spend a whole day with you, pretending things are great. I can’t even handle talking to you in class.”

I closed my eyes, feeling the enormity of her words drape over me. How could I think even for a second that things between us were any level of okay? We were cordial, but that had been an act on her part. So much for being mature adults.

“I will figure it out,” she said before leaving me.

As soon as she was inside the building, I slumped down. How much more of this could I take? I was so sick of being a letdown. Paying for mistakes I made over and over again.

I wasn’t the same person I was when I broke up with her. I wasn’t the same guy that thought only of myself and the how things affected me.

I moved on and grew up, but why wouldn’t anyone recognize that? What was it going to take to make them see?

If Kennedy didn’t want to see me, let alone talk to me, then how were we going to make this work? I couldn’t afford to get anything less than an A in this class.

Even more, though, I didn’t want to leave things between us full of tension and hurt. This was my second chance to make amends and earn her forgiveness for how I acted.

I’d been young, and my coaches and older teammates said I shouldn’t have a girlfriend. I respected their opinions because they had more knowledge and experience about what playing in college would be like. I ended things with her because I knew I couldn’t be the boyfriend she deserved. I didn’t want her to settle for the scraps of time and attention I could give her.

It’d been hard and painful for me too.

I thought it was the right thing to do.

It wasn’t.

It was one of the worst mistakes I’d ever made, and I was going to keep paying for it. I tried to ignore it for the past three years, but I couldn’t anymore. I needed to face my mistakes and make things better.

I was so sick and tired of being a disappointment to everyone around me. Something had to change.

Chapter 11

Kennedy

I had barely enough time before my branding class to take a walk around the building and calm down. I shouldn’t have snapped at Ethan. There was no reason for it other than I was afraid. I didn’t want to go off campus with him. I didn’t want to create new memories. I didn’t want to have a good time and forget about the past that lay between us like a tiger waiting to pounce and tear me apart.

It was too dangerous. I could easily see myself falling straight back into his trap. Not that he intentionally set it. It was the undeniable pull, connection, that tethered us together. I so desperately wanted to ignore it. I’d done an excellent job for three years, but I didn’t think I could if we were alone together in a place that wasn’t marked by who we’d been.

I didn’t want to stay on campus either, though. Nothing here represented me or my passion. I stayed because I didn’t want to transfer after one semester. I convinced myself it was easier than starting over at one of my preferred schools.

But was it?

Had I secretly hoped something like this would happen? We’d be forced back together and maybe, just maybe, things would be different this time around?

It was stupid. Horrible. A very bad idea.

But was it?

Maybe we were meant to come together again. Maybe we were destined for a second chance. How many people got that? Was this our opportunity to try again, or was it the closure we needed to say goodbye?

My heart screamed one thing while my brain scolded me for even having hope to consider that.

Ethan was different. Anyone that knew him could see. He wasn’t the same boy he’d been freshman year. He’d matured in so many ways, and now he was making a real effort for me, and I bit his head off.

Why? Why was I so quick to judge and snap and assume the worst? I wasn’t that way with anyone else. I was tolerant and gracious and extended the kindness I hoped for in return.

Not with him. I continued to punish him for a decision he made when we were eighteen.