Page 24 of Trick Play

Strawberry champagne.

I couldn’t have smelled that. Not in here with the musk of too many sweaty bodies. No, it was in my head.

But why? Why now?

Flashes went through my mind of Kennedy and me when we were younger, so lost in love and one another. Her smile as she wore my jersey and cheered from the stands with my sister and parents. How she always kissed my right cheek before games. When she was really focused, she would twist her hair into a bun without even realizing it. I loved those times because it left my favorite spot on her neck open and exposed, waiting for me to kiss it.

“Good job out there, Clarkson.” Hiller clapped me on the shoulder, breaking me from my memories.

I glanced up at him and smile, but I was shaken.

This had never happened before. I’d never zoned out during a game. Even during the breaks, I replayed the previous period and thought of what I needed to change or improve for the next one.

I didn’t get lost in thoughts about my ex.

My stomach twisted, leaving me feeling sick.

Was that normal?

Being able to so completely block out everything?

I knew the other guys had stray thoughts while we played. I’d called them out on it several times. I stared down at my skates, trying to pay attention to Coach Weston, but failing.

Maybe that was something else wrong with me. With my brain. I couldn’t split my attention. It had to be one thing at a time when it really mattered.

That’s why I told Kennedy I couldn’t give her what she deserved. I wasn’t able to think about her when I needed to concentrate on hockey. It was like she didn’t exist. If she wasn’t in front of me at the time, it was easy to forget about her. It wasn’t a big deal in high school because we saw each other all the time throughout the day.

It was different when we got here. There was so much new to experience, to take in. Our schedules didn’t match, and we lived on opposite sides of campus.

I could go days before remembering I had missed calls or texts from her. She asked if we were growing apart, but I didn’t think so. Not until I realized how little she came to mind. I was a horrible boyfriend. How could I forget about the woman I was supposed to love?

Then it happened at practice. I was thinking so much about her that I missed passes and let the guys down.

I couldn’t do it all. I couldn’t be there for her while also being the player my team needed me to be.

So I chose.

But none of the other guys had. Well, Benjamin chose not to date, but that was a whole different set of problems.

When Haley fought with me about dating Reid, she said she wasn’t Kennedy. I thought she meant that she could handle being his second priority, but maybe I was wrong. The point was that Reid wasn’t me.

He could have both. He could manage his time and give school, hockey, and Haley all the time they needed.

Why couldn’t I?

“Ethan?”

My brain didn’t work like that, and I hated it. I tried not to give too much power to my limitation. I didn’t want to think about all the things I couldn’t do when there was so much I could. But this was a blow I hadn’t expected.

Would I ever be able to have a relationship? Things wouldn’t get easier when I was in the league.

“Ethan!”

I snapped my head up to see Hunter staring down at me. “Dude, it’s time to go.”

We were alone. Everyone else was gone, except Benjamin watching us from the door. His brow was furrowed, probably trying to figure out what was wrong with me, but I jumped up and hurried out with them.

“We got this,” I said with more confidence than I felt.