Page 8 of Cheap Shot

“Huh.” Tara looked at Emery. “I like her.”

Emery smirked. “Told you.”

“Is that what normally happens?” I asked. Growing up around Ethan and his teammates numbed me to the allure of athletes. Not that I didn’t date them, I just didn’t get starry eyed because they knew how to pass a puck or throw a ball.

Brown nodded. “More than you’d think. As if this isn’t enough to draw them in.” He waved his hand up and down his body.

“It’s more than enough.” Tara put her hand on his cheek and kissed him.

I glanced at Emery to see her reaction, but she was laughing. So Brown wasn’t her boyfriend? He just went around kissing people?

“You seem lost.” Linc draped his arm over my shoulders. I flinched, but he didn’t seem to notice. I wasn’t used to being touched, but nothing about him seemed threatening and I told my body to relax. “Here’s the quick version. He likes her.” He pointed to Tara. “And her”—his finger moved toward Emery— “and whoever his flavor of the week is. Emery loves her.” His finger moved back to Tara. “And she loves them both.” He held up another finger so he was pointing to both Brown and Emery at once.

“So are you three ...” I didn’t know how to ask what I was thinking.

“Oh, no!” Brown covered his mouth. “I could never be tied down to just one or two people. I have too much love to offer the world.”

“There’s that.” Tara nudged him. “And no one person could handle you on their own.”

Brown considered that before agreeing. I laughed, amused at their exchange. I was surprised at how much I was enjoying myself. They made it easy to relax, and as long as I kept a comfortable distance, there was little change of any accidental touching. The scent of their drinks wasn’t even bothering me.

“And where do you fit in?” I asked Linc.

“I’m the best friend.” He squeezed my shoulder before stepping away, looking at something behind me. “I’ve got to go check on something.”

He was gone before any of us could respond, and the tension in my gut finally dispersed. Linc was a nice guy. Nothing bad happened. I wanted to celebrate this moment, but instead of doing a happy dance, I took a sip from my cup.

“At least one of us is responsible.” Brown watched him leave, then sighed. “I’m bored. Let’s dance!” He grabbed Tara and Emery’s hands and led them away.

Emery reached for me, but I shook my head. There were too many people in too tight of a space for me to even consider joining. I needed to ease myself back who I once was. I’d taken huge steps tonight, and I didn’t want to ruin my progress by pushing myself too far too fast. “Go ahead, I’ll stay here.”

She hesitated. “I’ll be back in a minute.” Brown tugged on her, and she waved as they merged into the crowd.

I took another sip of water, pretending like hanging out alone wasn’t a big deal. I actually found it was easier for me to be in big groups like this than alone with a few people. If Emery had brought Brown and Linc into our room to meet me, it might have triggered me. Having a panic attack in front of my new roommate and potential friends was not the first impression I wanted to give them.

I waited, rooted in my spot even as people walked by on their way to refill their drinks as three songs passed, until I realized they probably weren’t coming back anytime soon. Should I walk around and risk losing Emery for the night, or stay there and continue to earn curious looks from the other people in the kitchen? Neither was particularly appealing but moving around felt safer.

I was so sick of reacting to the simplest touch. Even when it was completely innocent, and by someone I knew wasn’t going to hurt me, my body treated it like a threat. I wanted to be in control of my actions. I wanted to feel normal again.

As I moved around people, I focused on how close I was. My elbow brushed the back of a guy as he took a step without realizing I was there. I bit my lip but reminded myself that nothing had happened. It was already over and done.

See, not so bad. When was the last time I experienced real contact with someone? It had been months. The girl I used to be, friendly and confident, wouldn’t recognize the person I’d become. I was practically afraid of my own shadow.

I didn’t want to be this way anymore.

I wanted to be brave.

The main level of the house wasn’t very big, but the back door leading to the yard seemed to be a popular spot, so I headed over and stepped outside. An enormous patio took up nearly the entire space, leaving only a few yards of grass at the back. There was built-in seating along the railing, and small groups were clustered every few feet, leaving the middle area open. I didn’t want to be stuck standing in the center, alone, so I turned to go back inside but was blocked by three guys.

The one in front held his cup up to keep from hitting me with it.

“Sorry.” I jumped back, and he reached out and took my elbow, keeping me from tripping over myself. I stared at his hand, feeling the familiar ting of panic creep in, but I was able to manage my reaction enough to pull back slightly.

“It’s okay.” He watched me for a second before rewarding me with a brilliant smile. It took that long for my brain to register that he was absolutely gorgeous. A walking cliche of tall, dark, and handsome with the perfect amount of scruff and muscles. My two weaknesses.

“Hey, Red, I’m going to find Matt,” the guy to his right said before walking away.

“All right,” he called back without looking away from me. His soulful eyes held mine, and I caught flecks of amber in the brown.