Page 26 of Game Misconduct

I tried to take the words as the compliment she intended, but pointing out my curves had been most people’s default my whole life. Like if they focused on my butt and boobs, they could ignore the other, less flattering, areas of my body that were just as curvaceous, like my stomach, hips, and thighs. I was plus-sized. My whole life I’d been bigger than the other girls my age, and up until recently, it was the major source of my insecurity and self-loathing. It had only been in the past year or so, as I focused on being healthy rather than skinny, that I learned to love my body.

“I’m thankful for your interpretation but––”

“Don’t even start in on you thinking he wouldn’t be interested in you for more than friendship,” Dani said in her stern, boss-lady voice.

I put my hand up to stop her. “Honestly, I appreciate what you’re saying, but it’s not the vibe I get from him. I’m not being self-conscious. I genuinely don’t think he’s attracted to me that way, and it’s perfectly fine. We all have our preferences. I’m not offended.”

Jess cocked a brow. “So you think he came to you to ask to be friends without anything else in mind?”

“At first I thought there was some other ulterior motive. In the past when men have gotten close to me, it’s been to use me to get something else. In school, it was for me to introduce them to my friends. In college, it was the same, plus I had a few beautiful roommates that guys tried to use me for an introduction. They’d flirt with me or buy me drinks in hopes I’d set them up, like I was some sort of wingman. With Parker, I can’t think of what he would want. He doesn’t know about my best friend, Kerry, and you guys are all taken, so I don’t know what it would be.”

Dani popped a fry into her mouth and chewed with a thoughtful expression. “Okay, so he meets you on like his second day here. Sees you interacting with the guys from the team. Even become friends with Mitch that night, and thinks hey, that’s someone I want to know?” She ate another fry. “I can see it.”

“And he’s just awkward enough to go about it in the strangest, most uncomfortable way possible,” Jess added.

“Right,” I agreed.

“So, what’s the problem? If we move past how weird he is,” Dani asked.

I sighed. “There were these alarms going off in my head. Maybe it’s just the past haunting me, but something told me that I need to protect myself. That I’m the one that’s going to end up hurt. That this whole game is going to cost me.”

Jess’s expression turned serious. “Why do you think you’ll get hurt? If he’s just asking to be your friend, you only have something to gain.”

How could I explain this to them without sounding insecure? “It feels like taking a step back. Like ignoring all the work I’ve done on myself to allow someone to have power enough to influence me and my feelings.”

“You’re scared of being vulnerable?” Dani watched me.

That was a more concise way of explaining it. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“You didn’t feel like that when you met me?” Jess asked.

I shook my head. “No.”

“Or when you met me and the guys and the rest of the team?” Dani followed up.

I picked up a napkin and rubbed my hands. “I was nervous, sure, but not in the way I am now. It didn’t feel like you had the potential to break me. Like, worst-case scenario, we didn’t click and I didn’t come around to your office or the games anymore.”

They shared a look.

“You think Parker has the potential to break you?” Jess asked.

Crap. That sort of slipped out, but it was true. “Yeah.”

“Why?” Her voice was gentle, not challenging.

“As I said, it feels like I’m falling back into old habits even though I know better and it’s not the same thing. I just don’t want to be that girl again. I want to be the main character of my own story, and for the past twenty-three years, I’ve been the sidekick.”

Dani lifted a hand to her mouth, and Jess simply stared. I didn’t know what else to say. Those were words I’d only ever thought before, never ever daring to admit aloud, and now I just poured them at the feet of two friends that hadn’t seen this side of me before. I was grateful for to have someone to tell. They didn’t know my history. They only got to see the new, happy version of me. Showing them this sliver of who I once was scared me.

“Oh, Viv.” Dani gave me a sad look. “Everyone deserves to be the main character, and you are. The person you’re talking about isn’t the woman I know. You’re strong and determined and confident. You’re magnetic. There’s a reason we’ve all clicked with you and why you’ve been brought into the fold, despite not dating one of the guys. We all love being around you. You give and you’re thoughtful, but you also let others be the givers. You’re balanced.”

Jess nodded. “Magnetic is the perfect word. You draw people in and make them feel important, and you form real connections. That’s so rare, and it’s one of the reasons I wanted to move in with you. The second we met, I knew I wanted to be around you.”

I smiled, grateful for their compliments. It didn’t feel like they were talking just to be nice. They truly felt this way.

“That’s probably how Parker feels, he just doesn’t know how to articulate it,” Dani said.

I replayed the conversation with him in my head. “He did say some things like that.”