Page 33 of Penalty Kill

He might not understand or appreciate it, but this was huge for me. They were offering friendship. Inclusion into a pretty exclusive group.

I hadn’t been exaggerating when I said that the people made the place. I was going to be here for a year, so I might as well enjoy it as much as I could.

But no getting attached.

11

Brandon

I was pushing the limits. I knew it and I had a feeling Sydney did too. It started out as an accident. When I ran downstairs shirtless looking for the boys, I forgot a shirt because my mind was focused on making sure they hadn’t escaped. Her reaction turned it into something more.

The way she drank me in while we were swimming was enough to push me over the edge. If the boys weren’t there. If she didn’t work for me. If a million other factors were different, I would have made a move.

Divorced. Dad. Old man.

She was making me lose my mind. Making me forget who I was. The various labels that weighed me down. My never-ending responsibilities. She made me forget all of that. She saw me.

It was impossible to ignore that feeling. There were a million reasons I should, and I repeated them to myself over and over daily. Every time I got a handle on it, she did something to make my resolve crumble all over again.

Playing games with the boys. Anticipating their requests long before they had a chance to ask. Hugging them. Joking with them. Smiling while she watched them when she thought no one was around.

She was genuine. Raw. She didn’t pretend to be anything other than herself, and she never apologized for it.

I knew there was a timer hanging over us. She was counting down the days until she could leave and live out her dreams. I had to decide between enjoying the time with her while she was here, or shut off my heart until she was gone.

Both options sucked.

I was selfish. One month and I never wanted her to leave. I wanted her to want to be here. But how could I ask that of her? She was already outside her comfort zone, staying here until next spring. I couldn’t get in the way of her dreams. Not as someone who knew the sacrifices it took to reach them.

So my decision was to not make a decision.

I could simply enjoy what was happening now, which happened to include playing with the boys and Sydney.

They came up with a new game. Well, an obstacle course that went from their bedroom to the playroom. Sydney helped build it while I was at practice a few days ago, and I helped make a few tweaks to meet the boys’ specifications.

It was their newest obsession, though I knew those tended to only last a few days. We would enjoy it while it lasted.

“My turn!” Milo shouted as he ran to the top of the landing in the fake trees in their room.

“I’ll time you.” Sydney held up her phone, and when he was ready, started the clock.

They had to army crawl across the landing, walk one foot in front of the other across the bridge, then climb down the ladder. The rules on the ground were a bit foggy—I was pretty sure they changed each round—but there was usually some hopscotch, spinning, jumping on one leg, and crab walks.

All that mattered was that the boys were thrilled and burning some energy. The bonus was that so far they hadn’t asked Sydney or me to participate. We simply had to watch and keep a record of their times. This was my favorite kind of activity.

“Go Milo, go!” Finn ran along with his brother cheering him on. I loved that they didn’t compete. They just encouraged each other. I knew someday soon that would change, so I soaked up memories of now to keep me sane for that day.

“Good jumping, Milo,” Sydney said as he raced past us to the playroom. She chuckled when he bumped into the doorframe, not slowing down enough to make the turn.

Her eyes met mine, and her smile wavered as she glanced away. Was she nervous?

“Do you want a turn?” she asked.

I laughed. “No, I’m good being a judge.”

“You just don’t want your butt kicked by four-year-olds.”

“My ego isn’t that big. I know they’re faster than me. I’m not sure how much crawling and jumping my body can tolerate.”