Page 37 of Drop Pass

Elena rushed out and I fought to keep my composure. Things had not gone as expected. After practice, I saw a text from Tiana that said the bill from the hospital arrived. She was freaking out over the cost even though I’d already paid it. She was up losing sleep over it and nothing I said calmed her down. I took care of my family, it was the one thing in my life that was steady. I was their rock and when they didn’t trust me, I didn’t know what to do. There was nothing else I could do or say to comfort Tiana. She was too worked up to listen. She saw the bill for over fifty thousand rubles and panicked. It was less than eight hundred dollars, but she wouldn’t calm down enough to accept that was not very much money to me.

It was enough to bankrupt a family back home, but I’d paid it without blinking. This was why I needed to get her, and the rest of my family here. I wanted to be able to assure them that they had no need to worry themselves sick over these things. I wanted them to know I was willing and able to care for them.

Hearing Elena ask Hartman for help when I was sitting right there pushed me over the edge. Why was I not good enough for anyone? Why did no one think they could rely on me? I was her neighbor. I’d helped her before, so why not now?

I stared down at my empty plate and ignored the goodbyes as people left the table.

I wasn’t used to feeling worthless. I worked so hard and pushed myself to make sure I could provide. So why didn’t anyone see that?

“I’m going home,” I told Hartman and ignored his questioning look. I’d talk to him later, if I felt like it. He knew me well enough not to push me when I was upset. He knew I only talked when I wanted to. Right now, I didn’t.

I got in my car and was home in minutes. When I got off the elevator I stared at her door. I was still angry and knew I should just go home but I couldn’t stop myself. I knocked and waited.

She opened the door and frowned when she saw me. “Nikolay?”

I stuffed my hands into my coat pockets and looked at the ground. “Why wouldn’t you let me help you?”

She looked confused. “I didn’t mean to offend you earlier. I’ve bugged you for help enough. It’s not your responsibility to help me with everything. I just didn’t think you would want to.”

I shook my head. She was right. Normally, I wouldn’t. I kept myself out of other people’s lives, so why I was so worked up over this?

“You should have asked.”

Her movement caught my attention. She folded her arms over her chest and looked at me the way Mama sometimes did when she was about to lecture me.

“Why would I, Nikolay? We’re not exactly friends.”

I shrugged as I watched her face redden.

“You asked me to call you out. Well, I am. You’ve been hot and cold with me. Sometimes you’re kind and other times it seems like you want me to disappear. You come over and chat like we’re friends and then run away or avoid me a second later. I can’t keep up.”

“I had to call my lawyer.”

“At that exact moment? It couldn’t wait a few minutes. You couldn’t spend a few minutes with someone?”

I shrugged. “It was important.”

Her eyes narrowed. “What do you want from me?”

I stared down at her pouting lips. I wanted her.

The thought shook me to my core. I couldn’t want her. I had a million reasons why I should turn and leave, but I was frozen in place.

“I’m trying to get my family here. My lawyer is working on the process of getting me permanent resident status so I can sponsor them. He texted me that he had an update.” I sighed. “It probably could have waited a few minutes, but I was anxious to know what he had to tell me.”

Her eyes softened. “Your family?”

“My mama and sisters.”

She nodded. “That must be stressful.”

I took a step back and leaned against the wall opposite her. “It is.”

“I’m sorry, Nikolay. You could have told me.”

I shrugged. “It’s a long process. I don’t know if they’ll be able to come or when.”

She took a step toward me, reaching out until her hand brushed my arm then it dropped to her side.