Page 56 of Open Net

She didn’t say anything for a while. “You need to forgive yourself, Olli. That’s the first step.”

I shook my head. “I don’t deserve it.”

“Yes, you do. You’re a good person, but you’ve been dealt a lousy hand lately. You might not have handled it as gracefully as you hoped, but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve some mercy.”

I didn’t say anything. There was nothing to say. I didn’t agree with her. I didn’t deserve it.

“Olli. I want you to think about something.”

I peered up and nodded.

“I want you to think about whether or not you being out of Emma and your son’s life is really the best thing for them. Do you honestly think they are better off without a husband and father?”

I thought of Emma’s tired eyes and how hard it was to get Jackson to stop crying sometimes. I might not have been able to get up the stairs at night to help, but there were things I could do. Things I could do to take the stress off Emma.

“Think about that.” She picked up the papers in front of her and tapped them on the desk. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I nodded. ‘Thank you.”

I walked back to the training room and Madi nodded at me from where she was working with Brassard. I moved to the open area and grabbed a mat. I started stretching and considered what Dr. Elliot said. Was it better for Emma and Jackson that I was gone? The devil on my shoulder said yes. I wanted to believe him. It was easy to give into the sadness and self-pity, but I also knew I couldn’t survive without them. I hoped Emma felt that same.

15

Emma

“He seemed different after his appointment with Dr. Elliot.”

I nodded at Madi. She’d been telling me how surprised she was that Olli showed up today. I was just as shocked, but I was more relieved. It was the first time all week he’d left the room, from what Grant had passed along.

It hurt to know Olli was in such a dark place. I fought the instinct every second of every day to run to him and try to make it all better.

I couldn’t. He needed to find his way back on his own.

“He asked if I thought he should call you.”

I froze with my hand wavering over the chips Sasha dropped off. She even brought her homemade salsa. I was in heaven. Well, as close as I could get these days.

“What did you say?” I asked.

She paused. “I told him no.”

I let out a breath and reached for a chip, taking an extra-large scoop of salsa. “Okay.”

She moved until I was forced to look at her. “It might not have been my place to say that, but I’m looking out for you. I think he has a lot more work to do and he needs to focus on that.”

My eyes drifted to the corner of the living room where Jackson slept in his portable crib. She was right. I was ready to crack and tell him to come home, but I had someone else to think about now. I didn't want him around until he got ahold of his emotions and outbursts.

“You were right,” I said.

She searched my face before nodding once. “Today gave me hope that he’s making the effort. I won’t give up on him, Emma.”

“Thank you.”

She pulled me in for a hug and squeezed me.

“What’s going on in here?”

I stepped back at the sound of my mom’s voice. I was so grateful she was here. I didn't want to know what loops Chloe had to jump through to get here so fast, or how much she spent. All that mattered was that my mom was here, and she was taking care of things.