Page 54 of Open Net

She tilted her head slightly as she appraised me. “It’s been a while since we last spoke.”

I nodded. We had yearly check ins unless there was a reason for meeting. My year was coming up soon.

“I’m not going to bother asking you what’s been going on.”

My eyebrows shot up. “Really?’

She nodded. “It would be a waste of both our time. I know about your baby, the injury, the fights, and that you’re now sleeping on a teammate’s guest bed.”

Huh. I sat back and dropped my arms on the rests. “Well, since you know everything what’s your plan to fix me?”

She smirked. “I can’t fix you, Olli.”

I narrowed my eyes. “Only I can fix myself?”

She smiled and nodded. “That’s true, but also cliché and not the point. You’re not broken, Olli. You might feel like it, but you’re not. There’s nothing broken. You aren’t a problem to solve.”

I let out a sigh. It sure felt like it. “Then what am I?”

“You’re a man, father, and teammate whose going through a really hard time. You’re facing some trials, but we can work through those. I don’t believe people need to be fixed, healed sure, but fixing seems like there’s an easy repair. This isn’t a matter of gathering up the right tools and finding someone to come in and tighten some loose bolts or pipes.”

I gave her a weak smile. Maybe she was right, but it definitely felt like there was something broken in me.

“You can laugh all you want as long as you’re open to listening to me and putting in some work.”

I didn't have a choice, so I nodded. “Okay.”

“Good.” She rested her hands on the desk. “So, tell me what’s been going on.”

I narrowed my eyes. “You just said I didn’t have to do that. You already know.”

“I know what other people have told me and what I’ve seen on the news. I don’t have any idea what’s been going on in your mind. I don’t know your perspective.”

I closed my eyes and dropped my head. “What if I don’t want to relive it?”

“Tough. You’ve done harder things before and survived.”

I gazed up and met her eyes. I’d always liked her. She was a no BS woman. She got to the point and didn’t waste time, so if she thought I needed to tell her I wouldn’t argue.

“It started when Emma went into labor.”

She sat back and nodded.

“I’ve never felt so scared or helpless in my life.” I shook my head thinking of the pain Emma went through, then her emergency C-section. I told her the amount of hours in the hospital that felt like days. How close Emma had come to dying. How vulnerable and desperate I felt as I watched the doctors and nurses work on her. The possibility of losing her and imagining a future without her. How terrified I was.

“All of that is incredibly normal, Olli.”

I nodded at her words. “I know and I was okay once we got home. Knowing they were both home and safe made it easy to forget how awful the birth was.”

She stared at me for a moment. “You think you moved on from it that easily?”

I shrugged. “I mean, it was traumatic at the time, but they’re both fine now. No need to dwell on what could have happened.”

I was being honest. It was all a bad memory now. Nothing to hold onto.

“Good. I’m glad you were able to move on from it.” She paused. “What about the injury? How do you feel about that?”

I clenched my jaw. That was the subject I didn’t want to discuss but I knew it was the reason we were both here. “I’m frustrated.”