Page 60 of Unwritten Rules

Looking down on the eight-hours-old bundle of perfection wrapped in the softest blue blankets, my heart fills to overflowing, and a frog settles in my throat.

“Oh, Liv—” I clear my throat and try again. “He’s the most beautiful human being I’ve ever seen in my whole entire life. I love him more than words. More than anything!”

Raising my eyes to meet my sister-in-law’s big navy blues, I allow a fat tear to glide down my cheek, my chin wobbling with the effort it takes to withhold the torrent inside me.

“To think, he might never have existed—”

She steps forward, gathering little Sebastian and me close in the circle of her embrace.

“Mila, you made this possible. I know you find it hard to live with – taking a life can’t have been a decision you made lightly – but, sweetheart, you saved Henry’s life. Sebastian is the product of our love for one another. Without your actions…well, I have you to thank for the happiness I have found, Mila. I…I am forever in your debt….”

She trails off, and I can feel her body tremble as she relieves our kidnapping at the hands of her deranged stalker.

The man whose life I took. The demon who haunts my sleep.

We stand clinging to one another, much like we did that day and the days after, drawing strength from each other and finding peace where there once was none.

As my brothers and Nate file into the room, Liv pulls back, sending me a quick reassuring smile, and I know, as surely as I know I need air to breathe, that this moment right here is the exact moment in time where I can finally begin to forgive myself.

My mind drifts to remember the day Nathaniel told me this would come.

* * *

“You make me watch this rom-com shit every single week, Mila. This time, please, watch something for me.”

I blow out an impatient breath, dead set on watching Never Been Kissed, which I’m desperate to watch because he promised me last week on our last movie night that we would. I’ve never seen it, but I adore the soundtrack.

Still, he never asks, and when he did, he picked The Princess Bride, and the whole wishing thing has turned out in my favour since, so…

“Fine. As you damn well wish then, Westley.”

He grins broadly, that dimple in his cheek winking at me, eliciting a swarm of goosebumps that covers me from head to toe.

He sticks the movie Atonement on the massive TV, and we settle back against his way-too-big couch with a tub of popcorn and bag of Maltesers between us.

The following two hours are spent glued to the TV. I couldn’t tear my eyes away if I wanted to.

Each and every feeling – Christ, I feel them all.

By the time the credits roll, the empty popcorn tub is chucked at my feet as tears stream down my face unheeded. The phrase ugly cry would be utterly apt right about now.

“Why – why would you do that? For fuck’s sake, Nathaniel!”

My emotions are everywhere. I have no doubt in my mind that this right here is why I only watch rom-coms.

“Because, littlest DeMarco…” He scoots closer, wrapping his arm around my shoulder, his other landing on my knee. “There will come a day when we all need to forgive ourselves. For crimes, real or imagined. For wrongs that were right within that moment. You will, one day – maybe a long time from now or maybe not – but you will learn to forgive yourself someday. To live with your actions.”

He pinches his thumb and forefinger underneath my chin, drawing my face up towards his, holding me captive in his swirling gaze.

“Because your actions don’t define you, littlest DeMarco. Grace under pressure, yeah?”

* * *

I’m tossed back into the here and now by my brother literally grabbing my godchild.

“Fuck’s sake, Alex. I just got him. You were here for his arrival – gross, if you ask me.”

I pretend to heave as he grins like an idiot.