Page 81 of A Bookish Story

“I’m sorry he made you feel that way. Your body is beautiful, no matter the size.”

She dissolves into tears and I can’t take it anymore. I wrap my arms around her and feel her body shake with wracking sobs. Patting her back gently, I remind her I’m here. She’s home and no one is going to ever judge her again.

And now that includes me. I won’t judge her for leaving me behind. I won’t judge her for pursuing her dreams after she lost my father. I won’t judge her for marrying my father when she wanted Eddie.

After a while, her sobs become whimpers, then hiccups. Eddie gently opens the door once, throws my mother a worried look, and I wave him away. I’ve got this.

“Why did you choose to come home?” She doesn’t respond right away, so I prompt. “Was it all about Eddie?”

In the space of that moment, I realize I want it to be him. He should be the reason she came back because he deserves it. I don’t want to hear she came back because she ran out of other acting opportunities.

“No, it was you. I hated myself when I was with Seb, hated that I never stood up for you. And I didn’t mean any of those things I said to you yesterday. You’re not too much, Luci. I wonder if you’ll ever forgive me.” She pats her nose with the tissue.

“I know what it’s like to say things you don’t mean in the heat of the moment,” I say. “I hope at least part of you came back for Eddie and that it wasn’t just because you had no choice.”

She shakes her head. “Eddie always accepted me for who I am. Just like your father did. I wanted to see for myself if there was still something there.”

“And there is.”

“Yes, but I won’t do anything about it. I can learn how to be alone like you have.”

“No, you can’t,” I snort. “But it’s nice you want to try.”

“I’m not like you and your hip generation. Maybe if I’d started sooner, learning how to rely less on a man…”

“I don’t want to be alone forever,” I explain.

“Oh, thank God. I’d like to be a grandmother someday.”

“Eddie is a good man,” I say. “He will never leave you, or hurt you, or let you down in any big way. I’m sure of it. He’s waited a long time for you, and in my opinion, you two should be together. You’ve waited for each other long enough.”

She brightens through red eyes and it’s like someone turned on her light but it’s too much wattage. “Really? It’s okay with you?”

“You’ll need to take care of him. He’s about as old-school as you are.”

“No doubt.”

“But let me be clear.” I hook a thumb to my chest, putting some steel into my spine. “If you ever hurt him, if you ever leave him, you will have to deal with me. And it won’t be pretty.”

I don’t tell her, but I’ll issue Eddie the same threat, though it’s hardly necessary.

CHAPTER 26

Since he returned, Chris has been sending me text messages all week, which I’ve ignored. He wants to see me, he wants to explain, he wants to have closure. And I’m sure he also wants his stuff. I kept very little for him other than the Absolut, and I no longer have that. He’s not going to be happy about this, but I wasn’t either when I poured half of it down the drain. I’m not sorry.

He doesn’t seem to realize we’re done. He’s the one who ended us by leaving for South America. He chose his coffeehouse crush and the Peace Corps over me. I could get past the Peace Corps, but I don’t see how we can ever get past Nadia.

When there’s a knock on my shed door later that night, I’m shocked to open it and find Chris.

It’s been over six months but he still looks the same. Blond, clean-cut, well manicured. A small part of me is happy to see him, like some of the cells in my body forgot what he’s done to us. Those memory cells seem to recall only the good times. Thankfully my higher-level brain is in charge.

“Why are you here?” I ask.

“You won’t return my texts.”

I wave him inside. “I didn’t see the point. You probably want your stuff, but there isn’t much here.”

I grab the box of mementos and clothes and dump it at his feet.