Page 57 of The Gentlewoman Companion

Chapter Thirteen

Louisa opened her journal and took a moment to inhale the combining scents of warm leather, sweet paper, and bitter ink. Her fingers caressed a page embossed with her own thoughts as well as the ideas others had shared with her. Listed at the back of the book were concepts that often ran through her mind, begging for comprehension or application.

Benjamin Franklin: “Without continual growth and progress, such words as improvement, achievement, and success have no meaning.”

Nellie: “You keep all the good you make.”

Lady Halverton: “It will fester if not aired.”

Mary Astell, summarized: Women are rational, thinking, and intelligent. Without education, women can improve neither themselves nor their situations.

She picked up a quill and dipped it in the inkwell, recording a thought she had not had time to express earlier.

Favorite theme from “The Wife of Bath’s Tale”: When women are granted autonomy, they are free to make choices that improve things for everyone, not just themselves.

Among these words, she sensed an elusive but overarching theme that was particularly relevant to her. If she could weave them together, she might find a truth to guide herself and her future away from the burden of her Great Misjudgment.

The scattered thoughts she’d written drove her to question who she was and who she wanted to become. Was she progressing? Was she “making good?” Did she believe she was intelligent and rational, capable of making worthy decisions? How much independence did she really have?

She had chosen to learn. She’d chosen to stay with Lady Halverton. She had chosen to set aside painful events of the past from her mind, but the reminder that she was capable of Great Misjudgment remained with her in the bit of charred silk tucked into the locket brooch next to her mother’s hair. Surely that was enough to keep it from festering.

In preparation for a salon, she and Lady Halverton would attend in a few days, she turned her attention to a tract by Madame Olympe de Gouges, who was French and more contemporary than Miss Mary Astell. Both women championed the cause of women’s equality but approached the subject from different angles. Where Miss Astell’s arguments centered on morality and religion, Madame de Gouges advocated for political rights and social justice.

A knock sounded, and Nellie entered. “Lady Halverton’s toilette is complete, and she is waiting downstairs.”

At last night’s dinner, Lady Halverton was told by a friend to visit a perfumer in Haymarket for the “essentials.” Later, when Louisa had asked Lady Halverton what these essentials were, her lady had laughed and admitted she didn’t know but would be delighted to find out.

Nellie approached Louisa and twisted a curl into place. “You look well. Happy, even.”

“I suppose London suits me.” In reality, Louisa felt more content than she had since alluding to the Great Misjudgment to Ja—to Lord Halverton. The time spent traveling together seemed to have smoothed things between them. He had not referred to their earlier conversation, which made her feel they were still friends. Whether he had forgiven her for ignoring him over the past few days or what he imagined she had done, she refused to consider. So long as neither discussed it, she felt safe, if a little mournful over something lost between them. Despite the moment of understanding they had shared, his hand over hers, she sensed a coolness between them, as if separated by a window through which they could see and hear but no longer breathe the same air.

Nellie adjusted Louisa’s fichu. “I am glad to hear that, love.”

“And? Have you seen Campbell lately?”

Louisa listened to Nellie describe the way he’d found her cleaning and polishing muddied boots that morning. “He helped me, despite needing to attend to his own responsibilities. That’s a good man.”

“I hear church bells!”

“None of your nonsense.”

Louisa descended the stairs and found Lady Halverton in one of her newest gowns.

“My lady, that shade of green suits you. Your eyes are almost green!”

Lady Halverton swayed, swishing her skirt. “It is a favorite color of mine. Are you ready for London?”

“I could not be more so.”

“It looks like rain. Pity—I was looking forward to walking. Campbell, please ask that the carriage be brought around.”

Soon they were tucked comfortably into their carriage. As they rolled through town, Louisa’s nose attached itself to the carriage window. Pedestrians huddled beneath dark cloaks, slogging through mud and over puddles, avoiding horses and carriages. Fine houses occupied narrow lots while partially built townhomes or piles of building supplies filled others.

“Out my window that way is Buckingham Palace,” Lady Halverton said.

Louisa leaned over to see, but only the park was visible.

Enamored by the city, Louisa listened intently to Lady Halverton as she spoke almost without ceasing, naming this or that, which was new or had been there forever. “Imagine this city built of timber instead of the brick and stone we see now. Of course, the rebuild from the great fire finished before I was born, but London’s expansion continues. It is all so changed from only ten years since I was last here. So many fine houses and shops. So many people!” On Piccadilly, they slowed to a crawl. Carriages and pedestrians converged from surrounding roads to crowd an area made worse by construction.