Page 44 of Watch For Me By Candlelight

‘Theo! But — I’ve just come back from Chiswick. I’ve finished it with Chris and I wanted to see you. Your van’s here — why? Why are you leaving?’

‘Kate.’ His eyes finally focussed on her and he rested his laden hands on her shoulders. ‘I’m sorry.’ He leaned down and kissed her, almost apologetically. It was a very different kiss to the one last night; but it still did indescribable things to her insides that made her want to hang onto him and never let him go.

‘Theo?’ Kate was confused and she started panicking. Had she misread everything? It was almost as if he was kissing her goodbye.

‘I should have told you earlier.’ He dropped his gaze and took a deep breath, then looked at her, a world of pain in his eyes. ‘I’ve got a daughter. She’s called Poppy — she’s two.’ A smile flickered, then faded. ‘It’s complicated. But I need to get back to her and her mother, Lori. Really, I’m sorry.’

His hands dropped from her shoulders, and he paused, as if he was going to say something else. Then he turned and ran towards his van. Within seconds, it was roaring into life and had disappeared out of the car park, leaving Kate staring after it, feeling as if her world had just disintegrated around her.

* * *

Theo had never packed up a tent so quickly or so messily in his life. When the message had come through, he felt sick; absolutely sick to his stomach. God knew how he got back to Derbyshire in one piece, but he did.

He unlocked the house and let himself in, standing in the hallway, listening to what he hoped would be silence, with no sound of a toddler anywhere near the place.

‘Sorry, Theo.’ His friend Jared said, coming up behind him. ‘I just thought you needed to know.’

Theo nodded, moving through to the lounge, his eyes scanning the tiny room. His gaze settled on the side table where the baby monitor usually was. The area was clear and he swore. He ran out of the room and took the stairs two at a time. He opened Poppy’s bedroom door, and saw the little girl sitting up in her bed, looking white and terrified, her covers pulled up around her.

‘Daddy!’ her face lit up with relief and she wrangled her arms out of the duvet-tent and held them out to him. Theo was there in a second, picking her up and holding her close; smelling her soft hair and her baby skin. He closed his eyes, and tried to control his voice.

‘Poppy, sweetie. Where’s Mummy?’

‘Out.’

He opened his eyes and saw the other half of the baby monitor on her dressing table.

‘Where is she, sweetie? Who’s she out with?’

The little girl thought for a minute, then shrugged. ‘Not know. Out. Daddy, I no like porridge.’ She shook her head sadly, as if it had just occurred to her this was a vitally important thing to tell her father in case she had the misfortune to be offered it any time soon.

‘I know, I know. Porridge is nasty. Yuk.’ He pulled a comical face and she laughed, snuggling into him and sighing.

‘Daddy. Where Mummy? I no sleep.’

Theo looked at Jared, who had come up the stairs behind him. ‘Where did you say you’d seen her? The Angler’s Arms?’

Jared nodded. ‘That’s where she was when I saw her. I don’t know where she went after that. She said you were home, and you had Poppy. Then I saw Jake later on, and he said he’d asked you to do a favour down in Newmarket. So, yeah, I guessed I’d better let you know.’

Poppy was watching the conversation sleepily. She popped her thumb in her mouth and nodded, speaking around the little pink digit. ‘I has biscuits and milk but it messy.’

‘Oh, Poppy.’ Theo saw the remains of a packet of chocolate digestives on the floor, and an upturned cup of milk. ‘Come on, let’s see where Mummy is.’

Jared glowered, apparently thinking of Lori. ‘She can’t be far, can she? I would have broken in, mate, if I’d had to. I would have got Poppy for you.’

‘I know. See, the thing is, Lori thinks it’s fine.’ Theo laughed, bitterly. ‘She reckons if she’s got the baby monitor, she can hear if there’s a problem and come straight back.’

Jared raised his eyebrows and whistled through his teeth. ‘D’you think she ever has?’ he asked sarcastically.

‘No. She doesn’t seem to understand the concept of distance between the two halves of the monitor — or charging it up. Or even losing the damn thing. She swore to me this wouldn’t happen again. I trusted her. But then — she told me what right did I even have, so what the hell could I do?’

‘You reckon she fell off the wagon again?’

‘Big time.’ Theo cuddled Poppy closer. ‘Perhaps she never even got on the damn wagon.’ The guilt was overwhelming — and also the fact that this time she had been spotted and caught out. How many other times had it happened where she hadn’t been seen? It didn’t bear thinking about.

‘Poppy, does Mummy go out a lot?’ Theo asked, closing his eyes and dreading the answer.

‘’Es,’ said the little girl, nodding; and her eyes fluttered closed as she dozed off on her father’s shoulder.