Page 51 of Passion and Privilege

“I agree,” I said. “Paisley doesn’t think I’m fighting hard enough for her. She doesn’t know how hard I did fight. I didn’t want to drag her into the middle of our bullshit. She doesn’t need to know her mother is a conniving bitch.”

Catherine nodded. “Do you ever regret not having children of your own?”

The question hung in the air, and I took a moment before responding. “I did want children once. I’m happy I had Paisley in my life, even if it wasn’t in the traditional way. But now, with everything that’s happened, I can’t imagine going through it again. It’s too complicated.”

“I get it.”

I sighed, running a hand through my hair. “I want her to stay. I want to give her a stable and loving home. But my hands are tied. She has to go back, back to a life she hates, back to boarding school. It’s not fair to her. I don’t know what kind of damage this is going to do to her.”

Catherine’s eyes softened. “Timothy, do you ever think about trying again? Starting a family?”

I hesitated, considering her question carefully. “No, Catherine. After this, I don’t think I could go through it again. It’s too painful, too complicated. I don’t ever want to get married again. I don’t think I could ever trust anyone like that.”

“I see,” she said quietly.

Before I could clarify or backtrack, she got up from the chair. “I’m going to talk to Paisley. Maybe I can help.”

As she left, the weight of my words lingered in the room. There was a dull silence for a while after Catherine left my office. I found myself sinking into the chair, the full weight of my own reality coming down on me. I would never be a father, at least not in the way the world recognized it. I had loved Paisley as if she were my own, but that didn’t matter to the court of law. All that mattered was biology and signed papers.

I leaned back, staring at the ceiling as I tried to wrap my brain around the mess that had become my life.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Catherine

I CLOSED TIMOTHY’S office door behind me, my heart heavy with the weight of our conversation. The pain in his eyes had been unmistakable, the haunted look of a man who had lost something precious to him.

I didn’t have time to think about what he said. It didn’t matter. It wasn’t like we were a couple or even close to a couple. We kissed once, but it didn’t even count. It was all a show. I knew I wanted marriage and a family. I understood why Timothy didn’t. He’d been burned pretty bad.

I found Paisley in the kitchen, her slender frame hunched over the countertop. She was chewing on her lip, a telltale sign that she was lost in thought.

“Paisley,” I called softly, not wanting to startle her.

She turned toward me and attempted a weak smile. “Hi Catherine.”

I moved closer, pulling up the stool next to her. “You alright?” I asked, even though I knew the answer already.

Paisley shrugged, her eyes glossy. “I don’t know,” she muttered.

I reached out and took her hand, opting for honesty instead of consolation. “Look, Paisley, what’s happening is really tough.”

“I guess.” She withdrew her hand and turned away from me, staring out of the kitchen window. “It just doesn’t seem fair.”

“No,” I agreed quietly. “It’s not fair at all.”

She was quiet. I could feel her withdrawing. The teen years sucked. Her particular situation was especially tough.

“So, I’m done for the day,” I told her. “Why don’t we go out for pizza? The bowling alley has some of the best pizza around. Let’s go and blow off some steam far away from here.”

I could see she wanted to say no. “Fine.”

At the bowling alley, Paisley sank into the seat across from me, her eyes still puffy from crying. I couldn’t stand to see her so upset. Amber joined us a few minutes later.

“Hi, Paisley,” Amber said and shook the girl’s hand.

“We just ordered pizza,” I said.

“And beer?” Amber teased.