Page 39 of Dare to be Wicked

Cassius watched her walk away and wondered how on earth they could endure inflicting any more hurt.

Chapter 13

Nic,

Where the devil are you? I’m addressing this to our rooms in town in the hope that you are there, and not off God knows where and doing God knows what. I pray you are not getting yourself into trouble. You might remember you are supposed to be with me, helping me, not off sulking about whatever it is you’ve got yourself all worked up about. I still do not understand why you did not confide in me. We always tell each other everything, do we not? It is how we have survived this long. Brothers in arms, yes? I am no child and I know I have been impatient with your fussing over me like some old woman, but I confess I am hurt by the manner in which you have abandoned me. I agreed to do this even though I do not want it. I agreed that this should be my fate but I thought you would help me see it through.

I must tell you I have discovered Eliza and Cassius were to be married. Though nothing was formally announced, it was acknowledged in the family to be their intention. Cassius has since told Eliza that he does not wish to marry her after all. For my part it is a relief, for had I known he was my rival I should not have felt easy in my mind. I like him and should have regretted making an enemy of him. However, Eliza appears to have taken it hard. She is not at all the serene, happy young woman she was when we arrived. I am doing my best to revive her spirits but even I cannot mend a broken heart. Fear not, though, brother. I will do my duty and make her forget him.

―Excerpt of a letter from Louis César de Montluc, Comte de Villen to his half-brother, Monsieur Nicolas Alexandre Demarteau– translated from the French.

14th July 1838, Holbrook House, Sussex.

“Everyone is arriving, Papa!”

Lottie looked up from the copy of The Lady’s Magazine she had been forcing herself to attend to, easily distracted by Cat’s excited announcement. Her father, the Marquess of Montagu, withdrew his gaze from the letter he’d been writing and caught his wife’s eye. She smiled at him, such an intimate smile Lottie felt she ought not to have seen it, nor especially the answering light of wickedness that danced in the marquess’s eyes. Still, he put his letter aside and got up to stand by his daughter at the window.

“So they are. Will you burst with excitement before tonight, do you think?”

“It is possible,” Cat replied gravely. “I cannot wait.”

“Are you going to attend?” Lottie asked in astonishment, to which Cat replied with a gurgle of laughter.

“Of course not, silly. I’m far too young to attend a ball, which is so unfair, but Mama said I might watch from the balcony.”

“For a little while, if you were very good,” her father amended, with a stern tone that did not match the look in his strange, silver eyes, which shone with amusement.

“Oh, but I have been, and I will be,” Cat said, her little face solemn as she gazed up at the father she clearly idolized.

Montagu nodded his approval. “Shall we go down and greet them, then? I believe that is Helena and Gabriel’s carriage, so your friends are here.”

“Yours too,” Cat said excitedly, taking her father’s hand and dragging him from the room. “For Gabriel is your best friend, I think, even though he vexes you dreadfully. It’s just like with Emmeline, you see. I do like her, but she makes me so cross sometimes….”

Montagu chuckled as his daughter towed him away and Lottie watched his wife, Matilda, as she stared after them, her adoration obvious. How must it feel, to be married to a man you loved so deeply, to have weathered storms, to have raised children and experienced years together, and to still feel just the same as you had years earlier? Would she always feel this mad jittering in her heart whenever she saw Cassius? Would her breath always catch and her pulse race with giddy excitement? She believed it would, and so this feeling would not simply go away, and if Cassius felt the same….

They could not keep their secret indefinitely. They had kept quiet to save Eliza pain, but what if she found out anyway? How furious she would be to have been kept in the dark again.

Oh, what to do?

Cassius and Jules had nearly ruined everything with their stupid fight last week, for which she was still beyond vexed with them, the idiots. Why did men always think that going around hitting each other was a valid method of solving problems? They were imbeciles both, and so she’d told them, though in truth she’d been touched to discover Jules would ride to her rescue without a second thought. Yet Eliza had come upon them and only some quick thinking from Cassius had defused the situation. Lottie could not help but wonder if they had done right, if they ought not to have confessed all from the start. Oh, lud, what a coil.

“You must be excited for this evening.”

Lottie looked up again, torn from her tangled thoughts by Matilda’s soft voice.

“I remember the excitement of a ball, of getting ready and looking forward to seeing all my friends, and wondering if I would see a certain gentleman, of course,” she said with a smile. “Will you dance with Cassius?”

Lottie drew in a sharp breath. Oh, Lord. She knew.

Matilda shook her head. “Don’t look so appalled. I’ve not said anything, and nor will I, though I don’t think you will keep your secret for long. You wear your heart on your sleeve and you look at him like he hung the moon for you.”

Lottie swallowed.

“Eliza is too preoccupied to notice, or she would have done by now. I cannot help but feel it would be better if you just told her the truth. She is your sister.”

“I c-can’t bear to hurt her,” Lottie said. “I wish I didn’t love him. I wish I could make it stop, that it could be anyone else, but….”

Matilda returned a smile of such understanding Lottie’s throat grew tight. “But love comes where it will and we may not understand the why of it, only that it is.”