Page 19 of Pride, Prejudice & Wicked Pleasure

“You are the instructor in this?”

“I am seldom the instructor and prefer to match couples when possible.”

“There is a character in Fanny Hill: Phoebe.”

“Ah, yes. Did the notion of a woman touching one of her own sex mortify you?”

“I suppose a woman might know the body of another woman better than a man would.”

“A man, if he be a good student, patient, and above all, observant and responsive, can be taught to become as skilled as any woman.”

Lizzy tried to imagine being with a stranger but found more comfort with the thought of Abby as ‘instructor.’

“I have never had a dissatisfied student. For some, the revelation is so great that it is not unlike a spiritual awakening of sorts, and I am regarded as some sort of angel, which I find amusing given that others would say I am surely damned to hell.”

“And you have had women willing…to be with someone they are unacquainted with?”

“Lest they are lovers already, it is better that way, though there is always the danger of falling in love with one’s instructor or pupil, especially by the fair sex. You look skeptical, my dear.”

“If all that is shared is of a carnal nature, there does not seem to be enough substance for the foundations of love.”

“Do not underestimate the influence of the physical, but you are right, it is the impression of love with most.”

“Do you recommend this sort of instruction to many?”

Abby shook her head. “By no means. Only persons of a certain character. They cannot be silly, dishonest, or have weak constitutions, and I will not disavow it takes fortitude to expose oneself to such vulnerability and intimacy. From what I discern, you, Miss Elizabeth, would qualify.”

Wordless, Lizzy knew only that her pulse surged.

“If you were to place your trust in me, I would assure you a gentleman who had not only the skills to be a proper instructor but whose manners were beyond the pale, gentle and considerate.”

Lizzy’s heart beat with the rapidity of a rabbit’s hind legs. Was this an invitation?

“My dear Lizzy, I sensed in you a woman after my own heart, and though I should like nothing more than to share the rapture that I have come to know and that are denied to too many because of mores that seek to stifle any semblance of prurience before understanding the nature of it, the decision is yours to make when and if you are comfortable in making it.”

Abby returned to her sorting, and after much concerted effort to attend the book she held, Lizzy placed it in the stack to be donated. They continued in a busy silence. The storm outside showed no signs of abating.

When they had completed their inventory, Abby indicated she would ring for Lee to prepare the carriage.

“Though I hesitate to have you journey into such gruesome weather.”

Looking out the window at the darkness and pelting rain, Lizzy concurred.

Minutes later, Lee appeared to inform them the roads were too muddy for travel by carriage.

“I fear you will have to be my guest for a while longer,” Abby pronounced to Lizzy, “for venturing out on horseback in this weather, you will catch your death of cold.”

“My friends will worry,” Lizzy protested.

“When the worst of the storm has subsided, Lee can attempt the Parsonage on horseback. He is an experienced rider with poor conditions.”

Lizzy assented and retired to the chamber she had used earlier. Abby had insisted her guest take an early supper with her. Sally attended to Lizzy, who, with closer examination, confirmed the maid no longer appeared to subsist on bread and water alone. At supper the women were joined by Nicholas, who reminded Lizzy once again of Wickham. With his pleasant countenance and affable demeanor, Nicholas would easily have been as popular among the ladies as Wickham. Nicholas asked a great many questions of Lizzy until Abby insisted that their guest be allowed to consume more than a spoonful of her soup. Having understood that Lizzy had been recently in town but that her stay was short, he regaled her with descriptions of the best sights London had to offer. As he professed a great preference for staying in town, Lizzy gathered he did not call Trenwith House home.

After supper, Nicholas recommended a game of cards, but Abby intervened by noting that Miss Elizabeth had had a long day and that a quiet or solitary activity would be more fitting. Lizzy did not feel as tired as Abby allowed—quite the contrary, she felt enervated, as she often was in the company of Mrs. Trenwith—and would have sustained a few rounds of piquet easily. She almost suspected Abby of deliberately separating Nicholas from her, though the reason eluded her. Perhaps the attention Nicholas was paying her concerned Abby, though she ought not have worried that Lizzy would have pretensions above her station. And as jovial as Nicholas was, Lizzy preferred to be alone with her thoughts at the moment, especially when, as the rain had not abated, it was determined that Lizzy would stay the night at Trenwith House.

*****

Lizzy tossed and turned much of the night and was little surprised to wake up in the morning with a cough. She had thought long and hard of all that Abby had said and, in the middle of the night, had attempted to render her thoughts coherent by pretending to write to Jane. Her sister would be more than shocked by her decision to avail herself of an ‘instruction’ at Trenwith House. After writing several sheets, Lizzy tore the letter she could never send into pieces. All this time, she had thought herself alone in her wicked thoughts. Though she had the company of Mr. Cleland, knowing another woman—clever, intelligent and goodhearted—shared in the same wantonness was to Lizzy a great relief.