Page 67 of Flawless

He finally tipped my hips and picked up the pace, thrusting harder, deeper, with intent.

The build was slow, but my release was consuming. It surged through me like a current, thrumming through my veins, rippling, sparking, and leaving me lightheaded and wanting more.

But even better than my own climax, was watching his. He was so handsome, so strong, always in control. But with me, he abandoned all restraint and I loved to watch him cave.

He muttered a curse before throwing the back cushions off the couch and collapsing beside me. Reaching for the throw blanket to cover us as his breath caught on a half-laugh, he said, “It’s been too damn long without you. I needed that.”

“I did too.” I laid my head on his chest and looked up at him, batting my eyelashes. “Something about being pregnant makes me…” I bit my lip. “Want it all the time.”

He growled before drawing me in to a deep kiss. “I can definitely help you with that, beautiful. All you have to do is say the word.”

I smiled. “Might be a little hard with me here and you back home. Not that I’m a stranger to phone sex⁠—”

He kissed me again. “Don’t want to hear about it.”

“Seriously,” I said, feeling the weight of our situation.

When we were together before, waiting a few years to make a move didn’t seem unreasonable. Now, we only had months to figure this out.

“What are we going to do? I love being with you like this. But nothing’s changed⁠—”

“Everything’s changed. You’re having my baby.”

“I know, but you still have a job to do and I don’t want to be the reason you have to give that up. I would hate myself if⁠—”

“Listen to me.” He waited until I was looking at him before he said, “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted this. To find someone like you. To be a dad. It’s everything to me, Ry. Sure, my career matters. But you matter more. Our baby matters more. So, whatever I need to do to be here for you guys, I’ll do it. But you have to decide what that looks like for you. And I don’t expect you to make that decision now. Take all the time you need.”

I loved him for not putting pressure on me, because I was putting all kinds of pressure on myself to have it all figured out.

“I worry about how I’ll be a good mama, being on the road six weeks at a time.”

“We can come with you. Or we’ll stay home, whatever you need.”

I gaped at him. But the way he said we made me melt. For the first time I’d have someone who missed me, loved me, was waiting on me when I got off the tour bus.

“You can’t do that, Cam. You have responsibilities. People counting on you. You can’t be a full-time babysitter.”

He frowned. “It’s not baby-sitting when it’s your kid, Ry. It’s called being a parent.”

“You’re right.” This was still so new to me and most days it felt like I was walking in a minefield. “I’m sorry. Obviously, being parents is the top priority for both of us. But I have to be honest. Until a couple of months ago, my career was everything to me. Like everything. Nothing else mattered. I know that sounds a little sad, but it’s all I had. Aside from my friends.”

Kissing my forehead as he stroked my hair, he said, “I get that, baby. My career’s always been important to me too. But it can’t be all there is. Personally, having someone to share my life with, kids to fill the house with laughter, bickering, and play, that matters too.”

I let my mind wander, imagining the life he wanted. A house on a bit of land, maybe in the country, where kids could have fun and explore, without being on guard all the time. Family dinners. Bedtime stories. Christmas mornings around a real tree, with presents. Where Santa actually showed up. Not like my childhood memories, when my mama told me Santa hadn’t come because I was naughty and didn’t deserve presents.

“What are you thinking?” he asked, gently.

“I was just thinking about what that kind of life would be like… the one you and Eden probably had growing up. And how different it was from my childhood.”

I didn’t feel sorry for myself. I accepted my lot in life and was thankful for the strength it fostered, but that didn’t mean I didn’t want better for my baby.

“Talk to me, Ry. Tell me what you want… for our baby. What kind of life do you want them to have?” He kissed my temple. “What do you want for yourself?”

Those felt like loaded questions. So far, I’d only allowed myself to daydream about making my career dreams come true. And that was all about back-breaking work and tenacity. But believing I could have it all, love, career, and a family, felt like an embarrassment of riches girls like me didn’t deserve. Those blessings were reserved for people from law-abiding families, who went to church on Sundays, did good deeds, went to college, and walked the line.

“This is a judgment-free zone, babe.” It was a little unnerving how easy it was for him to read my mind. “You can say anything to me.”

“I want our baby to have all the things I never had growing up.” I cleared my throat while curling my leg around his. “Two parents who would do anything for them. A safe, warm, loving home. And all the little things that kids take for granted, unless they never have them.”