Page 5 of Beneath the Quiet

I almost break out into a light jog, but that will attract too much attention, and by sheer force of will, I reach the toilets and enter a stall. As soon as I have the door closed and locked, I push down the toilet seat and sit down, my eyes closed, head in my hands.

One…breathe in…two…breathe out…three…breathe in…four…

I repeat the breathing exercise until I’ve counted all the way to ten, and once my heart is beating at a normal pace again, I take one last breath and open my eyes.

At least I didn’t have to count to twenty this time. A small victory to some, but for me, it shows that I’ve come a long way in the last few months.

My breathing now back to normal, I exit the stall and quickly wash my hands and then my face, all the time avoiding the mirror. I dry off, then leave the restrooms, aiming for the office, when a noise stops me in my tracks.

“There you are, DS Gallagher.”

The voice of my new boss, Superintendent O’Neill, stops me in my tracks, and I turn towards him.

His face is angled in my direction but the rest of him is hidden behind the door to his office. The lower half of his face is concealed by a big, dark-grey moustache. One that I can’t stop staring at every time I see it, but I hope it’ll grow on me.

“Yes, Sir?”

He jerks his head. “A quick word, please.”

He disappears behind the door, leaving me no room to protest. I swallow an impatient sigh and turn right to enter his office. He motions to the door from his seat behind the desk, and I take the hint and shut it behind me.

“Take a seat.”

Again, I do as I am told and sit down in the creaky wooden chair in front of his desk. The office is small, a bit cramped, but it’s tidy and clean. In fact, the Cloonmara Garda station is hardly more than a converted post office with a kettle older than my career and a logbook filled mostly with sheep reports and arguments about hedges. And that, too, suits me just fine.

No crowds. No sirens. No ex-fiancé.

Just me, the Atlantic wind, and the faint hope that maybe, if I stay quiet long enough, my heart will finally stop looking for what it has lost.

There is an air of authority here that I recognise from my time in Dublin, immediately settling my nerves, and the thrumming in my veins eases up as I focus on the man in front of me.

Superintendent O’Neill runs a hand over his salt-and-pepper-coloured hair, but then settles back in his chair. “Heard about the bull,” he starts, and I purse my lips. “Did Harry win again?”

I tilt my head, reluctant to admit my defeat, but since he will end up hearing about it before the end of the day, I just nod.

“Thought so.” He sighs and scratches his cheek. “You’ve got some mud there,” he mutters.

“I know.” I rub the spot, matching his movements. “I just came in to write up my report, and then I’ll head home for the day.”

He nods slowly, seemingly lost in thought.

“Was there something you needed to talk with me about, Sir?” I prompt.

“Yes, um…” He clears his throat. “I just wanted to check in with you. Have you settled in well at the cottage?”

“Yes, thank you.” Trying to ignore the uncomfortable vibe in the room, I force my body to relax and lean back. “I just finished unpacking the last of my boxes last weekend.”

The truth is I’ve barely started getting settled in, but my boss doesn’t need to know that.

“Good. That’s good, yes.” He sighs deeply and then leans forward. His eyes are gentle, and even though I can hardly see his lips because of his large moustache, I sense that they’re drawn down. “We’re very happy that you were willing to transfer to our small part of the Irish coast.”

“That’s very kind of you, Sir. Thank you.”

“No need to thank me. You don’t have to call me Sir all the time, either.” He flashes a smile at me. “We aren’t that formal around here, but we take some getting used to. I know that Cloonmara is a far cry from the excitement of the big city, but since you seemed to need the change of scenery, I have no doubt that it was already in your considerations when you applied for the position here.”

I nod. “It was.”

“Yes. I’m sure that, in time, you’ll come to see that we have many things to offer. Even though we’re a small community, we have several activities outside office hours that you might find interesting.”