Page 18 of Beneath the Quiet

My lips twitch. “I like their names. Very Irish…sturdy.” A thought breaks through my misery, and I whip my head back to Aidan. I must have horror written all over my face because he takes two strides closer towards me.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“You don’t eat them, do you?” I whisper.

“Eat them? Fuck no,” he huffs, shaking his head. “We just have them for the wool.”

“The wool?”

He runs a hand over his hair, mussing it further. “Yes, because of the yarn. The farm has an agreement with the local yarn mill. We sell alpaca wool to them, and the mill turns it into the best yarn you can get.” He puffs out his cheeks and releases a huff of air. “Good God, woman. I thought you were about to have a heart attack. Don’t scare me like that.”

I wince. “Sorry about that.” I take a step closer to Jenny who seems eager to say hello, reaching out her long neck across the fence. “It’s all right. sweetie,” I croon. I raise my hand towards her, keeping my palm flat. I glance back at Aidan. “Does she like to be touched?”

“Sure. You can pet her.” Aidan moves closer towards me and raises his arms on the fence. “I keep my distance, because if I don’t, she’ll follow me everywhere like a dog, and she’s not a pet.”

“Really?” I ask, rubbing her neck.

He jerks his chin in reply, and we stand together in silence while the friendly animal lets me rub her fur.

“So, how’s village life going for you so far?”

I glance up at Aidan. “I’m not entirely sure.”

He nods once, seeming to understand what I’m saying even though I haven’t said anything. The fact that he doesn’t prod or push me to talk for the next few minutes soothes me. I gather my thoughts and lick my lips.

“Actually…I’m not sure what I’m doing here, to be honest.” I set down my bag on the road and settle in for a longer stay. I meet his gaze head-on. “It’s hard living here.”

He returns my stare and nods. “To some people, it can be.”

“I like being closer to nature, though,” I admit, and I smile for the first time today. “I also love Roísin’s bakery, and the familiarity she has with everyone who comes into her shop is heartwarming.” My chest constricts with longing. “You know how everyone knows each other to some extent, or at least knows who they are?” Aidan’s nod makes me bolder. “Well, they make me realise each day how important it is to find your people, if that makes sense.” I look across the field as I try to find the right words. “But at the same time, it’s also a constant reminder that you’re missing out on some of the most important things when you don’t have that.”

“Connection.”

I nod, grateful that he seems to understand.

“I’ve longed for connection for most of my life but have rarely found it.”

“You don’t think you’ll find that by staying here?”

I stay silent for a few seconds. His question is one I’ve thought about myself a few times recently, yet I still haven’t found the answer.

“I’m not sure.” I raise my eyes and wet my lips. I’m not prepared to spill my whole life story to him, but since he’s here, lending me the listening ear that I so desperately need, it’s only fair that I tell him more than I’ve told even Franny. There’s a calming air to him that makes me trust him. I want to trust him with parts of me I’m not usually comfortable sharing. “I’ve been an outsider a lot in my life, Aidan. It takes its toll.”

Aidan nods once, a faraway look in his eyes. My eyes wander down his profile, resting on his hand absentmindedly scratching Lolly’s neck despite him just telling me that he usually doesn't pet the animals. Even though his hands have got specks of dirt and a few scratches on them, I like them. They’re strong, capable hands, but the way he rubs the sweet alpaca shows me that they can also be soft and gentle. I force my gaze away to rest back on his sharp features. It’s impossible not to study him while he mulls over my words. At the same time, I marvel at how easy it is to confide in him, even though he’s a stranger.

“Want some advice?”

I tip my neck, and all I can muster is a lopsided smile. “Will I like it?”

He chuckles and then graces me with the dimples again. “I can’t say, but it’s honest.”

I can’t say no, and from the look of his gentle eyes staring into mine, he means well.

I blow out a breath. “Let me have it, then.”

He leans closer towards me. “You’ve been here, what, six weeks?”

I frown. “How do you know that?”