Page 98 of Lovestrung

This time, I didn’t wait for his reply before I ended the call and tossed my cell on the couch and went to go in search for my girl. When I found her standing next to my bed, her phone raised to her eyes, as still as a statue, I stopped in the doorway.

“Ella told you,” I whispered, almost afraid to talk any louder for fear that would make her spring into action and leave.

She nodded and still refused to look at me.

“Darlin’, I…”

“Please don’t.”

I took a deep breath and took a step closer. “Pen, you have to let me explain.”

She let out a humorless laugh and finally looked at me. Disbelief was written all over her face; disbelief and anger. “I suppose I should consider myself lucky, shouldn’t I?”

I frowned. “I don’t follow you.” The air was so thick with tension, you could cut through it with a knife, but there was an eerie calmness surrounding her, I was afraid to make any sudden movements.

“Having a porn star for a boyfriend. I should feel lucky, right? Knowing that all the things you do to me when we’re fucking, you’ve perfected to a fine art with countless others before me.”

Sighing, I shook my head. “Ex-porn star.”

“Semantics.”

“No,” I started slowly and dared to take a step closer, “not semantics. That’s the part you should remember: that I’m not doing it anymore.”

Before my words had left my mouth, she’d taken the steps that separated us and held her phone up to my face. I looked at the unedited photo of me and Astrid from our last photo shoot.

“Look at the date, Pen. That’s the day you came home from traveling.”

“Oh, I know. But I guess now it’s obvious where the two of you know each other from. Thanks a lot.” She swiped the screen again. “Oh, and what do we have here?”

She kept swiping her thumb across the screen, revealing more and more photos I’d done with different women. All raw footage, and every one of them showed every-fucking-thing.

“This is from the day before our first date, you fucking idiot. Oh, and this?” She swiped at the screen over and over again. “All of them are taken after that first week we spent together.”

“That was my last job. You’ve got to believe me.”

“I don’t know what to believe.”

Quickly, I pried the cell from her fingers and tossed it on the bed behind her. “Stop raving at me and please listen.”

“No, you cheating son of a bitch, I won’t!”

The tears on her cheeks almost brought me to my knees. “I haven’t cheated on you, darlin’. It was my job. I had a contract to fulfill, and I couldn’t get out of it. I didn’t think…”

“No, you didn’t think, Ethan, and that’s the problem.”

The need to touch her overrode her desire for me to keep my distance and I got as close to her as I could possibly get without touching her. I peered into her eyes. The tears kept coming, tearing my insides apart. This felt like a goodbye…as if both our hearts were on the brink of breaking, and I couldn’t bear it.

I cupped her cheeks, trying to catch the drops. “Please…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” she sobbed, her body slumping against mine. “Why?”

“Darlin’, I…I don’t know.”

The realization hit me in my heart like a giant mallet. It was the truth, but I still didn’t have the answer. I wanted to ram my fist against the nearest wall and inflict as much pain on myself as possible; I could take my own pain, but I couldn’t stomach being the cause of hers.

I bent my head until our faces were so close, our noses were touching.

“I’m madly in love with you, Pen. I love you. Please remember that you’re the only woman who’s ever had my heart.”