Page 40 of Lovestrung

Fuming, I didn’t answer. I couldn’t get a handle on my thoughts, not until we were alone, and I thundered down the long corridor. Ignoring her protests, I stepped into the guest room I always used while staying at Frederik’s and pushed the door closed behind her with my foot.

I stared at her, my breaths coming out in tufts. “Fiancé?! What the fuck, Pen?”

She shook my hand loose. “That was terribly rude, Ethan.”

I gritted my teeth at her refusal to answer. “Explain.”

“What is there to say?” She shrugged and turned away from me. “It sounds like you’ve already drawn your own conclusions.”

Praying for patience, I ran a hand through my scruff.

“What the fuck am I supposed to think? You’ve been gone for a whole year, and the minute I have you home and in my arms, where you fucking belong,” I fumed, “I meet some fucking asshole who says he’s your fiancé?” I turned and started pacing, enraged that I’d allowed myself to hope again.

Her back ramrod straight, she glanced at me from over her shoulder. It was impossible to read her mind. Why had I even come today?

“What do you mean? Where do I belong?”

Her whisper stopped my pacing and I dropped my head. She turned around to face me, furrowing her brow, and I had to bite my tongue for fear of revealing more about my feelings. Long seconds ticked by as I remained silent, wishing with my entire being I’d kept my mouth shut. If she belonged to another man, I had no right to reveal my longing for her. No right to claim her as mine. Not now. And if by some miracle she became mine, what would happen when she found out about my side job?

No. It was hopeless, just like it always had been.

My breathing slowed down but I was rooted to my spot, afraid of what I’d see on her face when I looked into her eyes again. Would there be pity? Embarrassment?

“Ethan, look at me, damn it.”

Her outburst – fuck me, I had missed that fire – made me snap my head up and I did as she asked. I met her gaze, because how could I deny her anything she wanted? How could I deny myself the pleasure of her green eyes when they’d been absent from my sight for so long? Squaring my shoulders, I walked toward her and stopped so close to her, my chest was almost touching hers. The memory of our last meeting burst through me again. But this time, there was a difference, and that was that she wasn’t as calm as she’d been that night.

“What is it, Pen?” I whispered. My eyes fell on her heaving chest. “You’re shaking.”

“You make me so angry sometimes.”

“Why?”

She bit her lip and looked down at our feet, and I had to suppress a frustrated groan at her silence. She finally gave me what I wanted.

“Because I don’t know you anymore. I don’t know why it only takes a second of seeing you before all the old feelings I’ve had for you come rushing back. It’s not fair. No person should hold so much power over another. You make me feel powerless, vulnerable. I hate it.”

I ached to wrap my arms around her but clenched my fists instead.

“What do you want me to say?”

Her arms fell to her sides and she looked up. “I want you to break it down for me, Ethan.” She stuck out her chin at me, a stubborn glint in her eyes that made me tense up. “What did you mean when you said I belong in your arms? Spell it out for me.”

“You aren’t going to make this easy for me, are you?” I glowered.

She smirked. “I’m not known for easy. Why start now?”

I looked away for a moment. “Are you sure you can handle the truth?”

“Always.”

“Then you’re braver than me. I always knew that.”

Sighing in defeat, I took a step closer, pushing my hard chest into her softness. Her eyes widened as she stumbled a step back and I snatched her hands to prevent her from falling. But I didn’t relent. I kept her eyes locked with mine as we, step by step, came closer to the wall to the farthest end of the room. When she bumped into the old dresser, I released her hands only to dig them into her hips.

“What are you…Oh,” she gasped when I lifted her up and stepped between her limp legs. “Say something.”

I let out a deep sigh while trying to push down on the need that was flaring to life inside me by being so close to her. Her eyes were darker now, as round as saucers, and the small ‘o’ her mouth formed made me want to nibble on it for hours.