Page 144 of Pretender

She curses under her breath in Italian, and wipes a hand across her forehead. She starts walking down the path in front of me, mumbling to herself.

“Mum, what are you saying? Look, I’m sorry I lied to you, I really didn’t want to, but I didn’t want you to worry about me. I saw it in your eyes how disappointed you were in me, and I didn’t want to deal with that.”

Mum stops and turns to me, and I skid to a halt at the hurt in her eyes. Fuck, this is what I wanted to avoid.

“Why are you telling me this now, Aiden? On the day before my wedding?”

“I can’t stand here on your wedding day with this lie between us. I should have told you right away, but I…” I sigh. I didn’t dare to. “It snowballed. And then the blog came out. It all put Linnea in a tight spot. She hated lying, especially to you. But then I realised why I’d said her name to you, and I was there, wanting her, but she didn’t feel the same.”

Mum’s gaze scans my face, eyes narrowing.

“That’s why you were so weird at the brunch?”

“Yes, I figured out how I felt about her, for real, at the engagement party.” The memories flood me as if it was yesterday. Linnea’s lips on mine for the first time. How it hit me like a freight train of warmth and euphoria. I swipe a hand over my mouth. “She told me that she didn’t want a relationship with her client, so I was struggling to deal with it all at the brunch.”

Mum shakes her head.

“What did you do to mess it up? Are you going to fix it?”

“I have to, Mum.”

She narrows her eyes at me. “What did you do?”

Heat swirls in me at her question. “Before you ask, no I absolutely did not cheat on her.”

“Jesus, Aiden, I would never think that of you.”

“Oh, good. Because I would never do that.”

“You’re a good man, Aiden. I’m sure whatever mistake you made can be corrected with all the love and care you have in your big heart.”

“Thank you, Mum.” My shoulders drop an inch from her words. So she didn’t jump to the conclusion I expected she would. “I can’t give you all the details… But I had a choice to make and I panicked. I was freaking out about not being good enough for her. When Linnea found out I didn’t choose her, and confronted me about it, I reacted like a fucking coward.”

“You are not a coward.”

“I am. I turned it around on her, which is the worst thing I could’ve done to her. Her ex-husband was quite the … arse. Sorry, Mum, I can’t find any nicer words for him.”

Mum huffs and shakes her head. “Let’s go sit over here. My feet are getting tired from standing.”

We crunch over the gravel to a wooden bench by the pond. The sun shimmers on the brownish water and for a moment all we can hear are the birds chirping and insects buzzing. There’s that warm kind of smell of summer in the air—grass, flowers, just pure nature.

“Why would you not be good enough for Linnea?”

I open my mouth to answer, but she stops me.

“Let me rephrase that. Why can you not make yourself good enough? You choose how and who you want to be, Aiden. If you choose her, choose yourself, and you can be the man you want to be.”

I blink away the heat threatening behind my eyes. She has no idea how much that hits exactly where I need it.

“Aiden,” she says again and I tilt my gaze down at her heart-shaped face. “Why do you believe I’d rather have you lie to me than talk to me?”

“Oh Mum, I’m so sorry. There’s no excuse for lying to you like that. What I was thinking at the time, though… You’ve taken care of me my whole life. I didn’t want you to feel like you needed to sacrifice more energy or time worrying about me. You gave up having a career, you spent all your time with me, you cheered me on and up, all after losing the love of your life.”

“You’re the love of my life, Aiden.” She pats my knee, and I grab her hand, looking down at it.

“How much did you know about Dad’s family in Florence?”

“Not much. He left them, and it was a sore subject.” Her hand twitches in mine but I hold it tight. “We were happy together, but he didn’t like to discuss things that made him upset, so there’s probably a lot I never learned about him.”