Page 133 of Pretender

Squeezing my eyes shut, I breathe instead. My mind racing, flooding with everything I know about Aiden. He’s been lying to me about this. Every time I asked about his dating life. His sex life.

“You’ve been… That’s what you were talking about. You’ve had a lot of sex but not led anyone on. Are you paying for sex?”

“No!” He waves his hands, the jacket flapping lifelessly in the still, chilly air. “No, no, it’s other people, like me—Look, there’s a really strict NDA, can we please go somewhere else and talk? I’ll tell you everything, I promise.”

“But—But … have you been going here? While we’ve⁠—”

“No, I promise.”

I glance down at the jacket in his hands. He wore that. “Your jacket.” I point at it, stupidly.

“Oh. I did come here, once, after the brunch. I was lost, but I didn’t do anything with anyone. It’s silly, I wanted you so badly. I just sat here.”

“Is that what your friend talked about?”

“I guess. I don’t even remember seeing him.”

Closing my eyes, I breathe to calm myself. It’s a bit … off-putting, perhaps. Maybe I can understand why he didn’t tell me about it, but I didn’t expect this on top of everything else I have questions about. Right now, I’m not sure I know him at all.

I hear him stepping closer, so I open my eyes again.

“Can we go home and talk?” he asks, his voice soft and it tugs at my heartstrings.

“Okay,” I whisper, and he blows out a breath. I turn and step out onto the street, hearing his footsteps behind me. “So tonight, you’ve resigned and it’s all in the past?”

“W—” he starts and I stop, looking at him. He gestures back at the door, but stops himself.

“Aiden? You resigned, right?”

His eyes widen again. He didn’t.

“I was going to,” he says quickly.

Shaking my head, I step back.

“But you didn’t. Why?”

He clears his throat.

“Why?” I ask again, louder this time. “Were you planning to go here again?”

I did this again. I can’t trust my read of people.

“No, I wasn’t,” he says, holding out his hands, palms angled towards me. I recognise that move. He’s expecting me to blow up, and he wants to calm me. I’ve seen it before.

I bite down hard, shaking from trying not to cry.

“Linnea, please, I just… They said I could never come back if I resign, and that I must have found—” He shakes his head. “I don’t know, look, I panicked, but it doesn’t mean anything.” He speaks quickly, moving towards me.

“Are you serious? Of course it means something, Aiden. Here I am risking my company, my employees, my confidence—everything—on us. You made me fall for you, Aiden, and here you are, keeping so much from me, like you’re hedging your bets, but you made me feel safe and made me fall so hard,” my voice cracks on the last words, and I hate it. I hate that I’m proving him right. I’m just the same mess he witnessed on Halloween. He saw then how ridiculous I am, and he never regained his respect for me.

If he had, he wouldn’t be here…

He would choose me without hesitating, without panicking about what he’s leaving behind. And I don’t even understand what that is because I don’t trust what I don’t know. What else is he not telling me?

“You’re still hanging on to something else, aren’t you?” I ask.

“No, I’m not hanging on to … something else. I’m not hedging. I’m not…” Aiden shakes his head, and for a moment I don’t recognise him. There’s a lost, empty expression in his eyes, not focusing on anything. “It’s not the same. I’m not the same,” he mutters, rubbing his forehead.