Page 116 of The Examiner

There were moments like that during the course. Fleeting times when I felt buoyed by a good grade, or a positive comment from Gela. I only wish I could get that feeling from me and not have to rely on other people to approve of what I do. That’s the key to success, I’m sure. So long as I know what I’ve done is good or right, that should be enough.

Where it went wrong:

As I’ve said before, certain things were off from the get-go. But the few weeks we were all working flat out, heads down, making components to cover the tunnel, that was a more peaceful time. You see, there were four types of component: resin replicas we could make in the studio, but limited due to cost; papier-mâché replicas we could make off-site; original components from the bags of junk that RD8 supplied, painted and varnished (we could take those home too); and clay replicas – again we needed the studio for those.

At first it was hard to concentrate, but after a while I lost myself in the task. It helped me forget. I’ve mainly worked with people, staff, customers, suppliers, and have sketched in my spare time. But this was different. I could forget everything while I was making those items. Layering paper into moulds, gluing, painting and waiting – it’s repetitive enough that your mind moves into an automatic state. It stopped me thinking. Then I resented it when someone spoke and expected an answer. As soon as I was dragged out of that stupor, the thoughts came crashing back. Fear. Disbelief. Horror. Did certain things really happen, or were they all part of the art?

I thought about artists that were famously crazy. Were they mad to begin with, or sent mad by painting so much sky above the battleships? Or pressing clay onto the endless legs of a giant statue? You can see why the big names employ assistants. I know, I’ve had those assistants in the shop. It’s an unspoken fact. Makes you think about attribution. The fact is that we made that tunnel without Alyson or Cameron. The head is supposed to be Jem’s project, but Gela is putting just as much into it. Yet the installation will be credited to the six of us equally. And if we’re all responsible, who is guilty?

I can’t help wondering what everyone else has put in their essay about where it all went wrong. Because I blame Cameron, and Cameron alone. Then, God help me, I tried to put it right.

Doodle message group MMAM(FTP), 29 April 2024:

Gela Nathaniel

I’m in possession of RD8’s extensive feedback. Forwarding Mae’s email to you all. My advice is to read, breathe and keep calm.

To: Gela Nathaniel

From: Mae Blackwell, RD8 Systems Ltd

Date: 29 April 2024

Subject: Thank you

Dear Gela and the MMAM team, Firstly, may I say how much we all enjoyed our visit. It was an honour and a privilege to see our installation taking shape.

We’ve now had the chance to discuss where we want the project to go from here. I have collated those thoughts into a dossier of notes covering all aspects of the work, under a series of twelve general headings, followed by a page of references and a mood-board to accompany the section on ‘colour and ambience’ (compiled by the marketing team). However, I can summarise as follows:

Can we ensure the tunnel is of a sufficient size that people of all heights can walk upright through it with ease? If there is not enough material for this, perhaps think about turning it into a wall-frieze?

We know binaural sound is central to the ‘experience’ you intend to give our guests, but on reflection we’d prefer a more open and inclusive soundscape. I understand you feel headphones are important to your vision, but we would like you to rethink this and will pay an additional £500 to cover extra costs incurred by this change.

We’d like to see more specific references to our historical importance. Wary that the organisation of components on the tunnel walls might look like a jumble, pieces of white card with text explaining our history would be helpful.

Could we rethink the use of colour in the tunnel? Perhaps a cooler, more muted feel? Some components are painted in garish shades.

I’m sure these changes won’t take you long. If there are any further questions arising from this feedback, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Best wishes,

Mae

Doodle message group MMAM(FTP), 29 April 2024:

Patrick Bright

They don’t like one single thing about the installation.

Jonathan Danners

We shouldn’t act on our initial feelings. This is just a step on the road to making our client happy.

Patrick Bright

Have we even got time to repaint what we’ve already done?

Ludya Parak