Page 20 of The Planetary Systems Preservation Committee Decided We Needed a Nanny

“What the fuck?” It's not so much a question as a statement of surprise.

“I had you teleported here in order to speak to you before Lora arrives,” Dr. Randy explains, lifting me up like a kid and putting me on a ScaryDarkAlienVampire sized chair.

“Ah,” I say, putting my toy box on my lap and protecting the lid with both hands. Holy shit. I’m at the doctor’s office with all my sex toys. Holy fucking shit. Is it possible to die from embarrassment? I might be the human to prove it is.

Dr. Randy sits on his stool in front of me, watching me with intense concern. “This is what humans call a sex-ed class. I am going to give you information about ScaryDarkAlienVampire anatomy and physiology, and explain different methods for engaging in sexual activities and intercourse between our two species. Because of the significant size difference, there are some precautions that will keep you safe and healthy if you and Lora choose to explore penetrative sex.”

Oh lovely, another sex talk. The first one wasn’t traumatizing enough. “Ok,” I reply because what else am I going to say?

Dr. Randy brings my attention to a wall where the image of a generic nude ScaryDarkAlienVampire appears. They look like a human with a few key differences. Fewer ribs, flatter pectorals and no nipples, so clearly not a mammalian type species. They have differently shaped abdominals as well. Instead of rounded rectangles, their abs are long, sleek horizontal layers. Beneath the abs is the classic cum gutter leading to a Ken-doll shaped mound with a slit. As I watch, the image animates and the slit widens around a long shaft that looks sort of like a human dick except the head is more arrow shaped and there is no foreskin. I assume the protective pouch where they keep their dicks hidden functions in the same way as foreskin, so that’s interesting.

“This is the genital presentation for the ones among us who choose a penetrative role. We do not refer to this presentation as male or female, but for the sake of the limitations of human language, this is the male presentation,” Dr. Randy explains.

“The ones who choose a penetrative role?” I ask as the animation starts again.

“Correct. Our sexual expression is chosen once we reach sexual maturity. It is not a permanent change, but perhaps one in a hundred thousand people change their minds after making the initial choice. It is rare for one of us to choose to change roles. I initially chose the receptive role, but changed to the penetrative role because my first long term partner was receptive and didn’t want to change.” Dr. Randy shrugs in a very human way. “I do not have a preference for either now, and would return to the receptive role if I found a partner who wanted the penetrative role.”

They are aliens. I have to remind myself of that because the ability to just change your genital presentation is a little bit horrifying. My balls hurt thinking about what it would take to change them into… nope. Not gonna think about that. Ouchie. Trans people are so fucking brave.

“Ok. So Lora prefers the penetrative role. I’m fine bottoming. And it doesn’t really look like that is going to be too difficult to manage,” I say, pointing to the shaft of the animation.

Dr. Randy rattles negatively and stands up, walking to the wall and standing next to the animation. It’s significantly smaller than him, and as I watch, it grows in size to match him.

“Oh,” I realize. “Oh no,” I add. “That’s going to hurt.”

Dr. Randy dips his chin and rattles his agreement. “You do not have to engage in penetrative sex. I am here to help you navigate interspecies sex without hurting yourself, but if you want to explore penetration, you will need some preparation.”

“Uh, yeah. I’m going to need a fifty gallon drum of lube and about ten years of stretch work to prepare for that monster!” Am I scared? No. Maybe. Just a little.

“Our species is much larger than most other known species. We have specifically programmed nanobots designed to enable interspecies sexual congress. I will inject the nanobots into your arm. It will take twenty Earth days for the nanobots to complete the adaptations.”

Do I look concerned? This is my I-trust-the-alien-doctor face. I swear.

“Uh, what exactly are the adaptations?” I swear I trust him. Really. I’m just being a good patient and asking clarifying questions because that’s what I’m supposed to do.

Shudder.

Dr. Randy changes the image on the wall to a representation of male human anatomy. “The adaptations will include⁠—”

Uh… maybe I will spare you the details of what amounts to a lecture about how humans have the capacity for intersex presentation in every single one of our DNA strands and how the nanites will use that capacity to make me able to take alien dick without agony for the rest of my life. Also if I wanted to, Dr. Randy could program them to make me able to carry hybrid offspring to term, but not with ScaryDarkAlienVampires because they spawn differently than humans do. We can donate to them, but not vice versa.…

Yeah, so I agree to everything but the ability to procreate because that’s just a little more body modification than I’m willing to do my first time. I don’t have tattoos; you think I’m going to change my body into some omegaverse-come-to-life scenario? Bee would think I’m missing out on a prime opportunity, but Dr. Randy assures me I can change my mind at any time, and he would reprogram the nanites to give me the mpreg adaptations if I ever wanted them.

I promise that there is nothing in the universe that is going to make me want to become pregnant with an alien or human baby. I’ve heard Bee’s horror stories, and I’m not about that.

So, Dr. Randy gives me an injection that he assures me has two nanites about the size of a human eukaryotic cell. Those nanites will get to work creating more nanites that will be about the size of a ribosome, which he assures me is the smallest structure in the human cell, and those tiny little nanites will start editing my DNA, which will then change the structure of my body to accommodate Lora’s hugeass dick.

Or something like that. I’m not a biology guy; I’m a tech guy.

Also, I get the benefit of extremely quick healing now. So, there’s that.

“You know, this might be the most extreme thing anyone has ever done for the sake of a fuck,” I tell him as he puts away his injection device and pulls up a monitor of the nanites that appear to be already hard at work.

Dr. Randy has his back turned to me and he chuckles softly, which makes me feel pretty good about getting past his professional demeanor. Look at the tiny human go, making the ScaryDarkAlienVampire doctor laugh at a sex joke.

“Lora is arriving,” he says, reaching over and hitting a button. A fan immediately begins blowing, and my alien appears with the clap of thunder.

It’s air displacement, by the way. The thunder, that is. Lora appearing in that space all at once displaces the air that was there so quickly that it claps like thunder. Guess who got a science lesson about teleportation a few days ago.