Page 11 of The Planetary Systems Preservation Committee Decided We Needed a Nanny

“If you need to classify yourselves in English how about donative versus receptive, or if that is not how you mix gametes, use the term that describes how you do that,” I suggest, realizing once I’ve said it that they might not use gametes at all. That might be an Earth exclusive form of propagation.

Dr. Randy pauses the conversation with his colleague to peer thoughtfully at me. “Our species only produces one gamete, but perhaps we can differentiate by using the terms donor and parent. Drone and breeder are inaccurate and too reductive.”

The person on the other end of his device makes a noise of approval, and he ends the call or whatever you want to call it.

“So Lora’s a parent. Works for me. Before we were derailed by inadequate terminology, you were saying something about parents and me being right about something.” I can admit to myself that I am fascinated by the aliens. I’m just glad they’re peaceful-ish, because it’d be really awkward to be this interested in a species that was actively trying to extinct my species.

Dr. Randy rattles in approval and explains. “Yes. It is part of the parent venom glands to block the pain receptors of their donors to make donation a pleasant experience. Donors do not have the same chemical blockers in our venom since evolution did not expect us to leave our prey alive.”

I hold up a finger as I process that and then clarify. “Do parents usually bite donors?”

Dr. Randy rattles in approval again. “LoveOrderRenewalArtifice mentioned you were intuitive for a human. Yes, that is how we make our donations to the parents. I’ve been chosen by thirty-three parents to donate.” He says this proudly, tipping his head to the side to show a significant scar on his neck. It’s located a little off from where it would be on a human, but I can’t really expect aliens to have their jugulars in the same place as humans, can I?

“Well done, you.” I bet that’s a safe response to the pride in his voice.

He smiles but keeps his lips over his fangs. “Yes, indeed.” He indicates the charts on the walls again. “Let us finish. LoveOrderRenewalArtifice is waiting for you.”

I nod, and Dr. Randy goes over my results in more detail. He says I’m perfectly healthy, and that I have a predisposition to colon cancer, so he gives me a little injection with genetic therapists inside that will fix my predisposition so I don’t get colon cancer later in life. I don’t know what the genetic therapists are. I’m telling you what he told me. I’m sure there was a breakdown of communication there, but since I’m getting a free pass on colon cancer, I’m fine with whatever he calls it.

Once he’s done, he escorts me out of the exam room to a waiting room, where Lora sits alone working on his arm device or something. Maybe he’s playing a game. I don’t know what ScaryDarkAlienVampires do in their down time. My heart skips a little beat, and I give that asshole a firm mental smack because I really shouldn’t have a crush on Lora. We’re not even the same species, although he is totally fuckable because he can give consent if he wants to. No, it’s the whole he bites to propagate thing.

Huh.

Did—? Did we⁠—

“Did we have sex when you bit me?” I question, startling both him and the doctor.

Lora rattles a negative. “I would have gained consent for that specific use of your blood, and I have already completed my obligation to the empire.”

“It’s unlikely that humans are genetically compat—” the doctor cuts himself off with a curious rattle. “Nevermind. Humans are genetically compatible with us. I must issue an alert for that, excuse me.”

I barely glance over as Dr. Randy leaves, focused as I am on Lora. “Ok, because sex with humans is a lot different than me sitting on your lap letting you neck me.” I give that a second thought. “Well, it involves more than that.”

“I am aware of how humans propagate and the recreational sexual activities that humans engage in to create social bonds,” he assures me, then after a short pause, “I do have the structures for sex. We also engage in intimate social bonding through sex. It is not for propagation. It is exclusively for our physical, social, and emotional health.”

I’m really glad I’m not a teenager anymore. I’d be so fucking hard right now if I was. I’m turned on and horny, but at least I’m not rocking a public boner. Fuck puberty, man.

CHAPTER EIGHT

I dare anyone to tell me that these aliens have bad intentions toward us. I will cut a bitch if anyone tries to take away my seven meters by thirty meters (2260 sq ft for anyone too lazy to do the conversion on Google) luxury apartment with soundproof walls and ceilings high enough to accommodate my alien guest. There’s even furniture here for Lora to sit comfortably on without taking up my entire loveseat.

The fridge is stocked.

Let me repeat that.

The fridge is stocked.

With. Cheese.

I’m not saying I’m in love, but I will end anyone who tries to take this away from me.

“Lora. Darling. This is amazing.” I don’t usually use endearments (I’m more of a “you bitch” kind of gay), but Lora put all my stuff away and arranged my furniture exactly right for me and made sure my fridge was full of cheese. He deserves an endearment for doing all that.

He looks around, nodding in agreement. “Human standards for housing vary greatly, and you have housed the people who need the biggest houses in the smallest. We standardize housing so that everyone knows what they can expect. For a few months we will utilize the houses that exist that pass inspection, but we will recycle most of the materials of the dwellings that already exist on this planet and build homes that suit the needs of the people and families in each district. As long as you are unattached, you will live here.”

“What if I want to move?” I don’t, but some people don’t do well with monotony. I’m fine with it. Give me the same shit day in and day out. I’ll thrive in it.

He rattles noncommittally. “You would speak to your guardian about changing your housing assignment, and they would arrange with you your change in residence.”