Page 149 of The Quiet Witness

Free. The meaning of it didn’t fully register yet. What did freedom even mean? Right now it tasted like dust on her tongue, filling her mouth with the dryness of it. She forced back the instinct to puke.

“Because,” his voice was hesitant. “You would be disgusted of me, of what I’ve done.”

She stilled, the insecurity in his tone making her look up, forcing her to blurt out, “It’s all on me. If I had saved her, she wouldn’t have been thrown into a grave beside a ditc—”

“No.” He appeared in front of her, sliding down on his haunches. “Nothing you could have done would have made a difference. You fought so hard, Kate. Don’t allow this to weigh down on you too.” He raised his hand to her face, waiting for her to back away. When she stayed, he cupped her cheek. “It’s mine to carry.”

But despite it, self-loathing coursed through her veins. Imagining all the things she could have done differently leading up to the fight and in the middle of it. Like she so often had during the nights her mind wouldn’t quiet down.

“I buried her in a forest up North. Beside a stream that will burst to life when the warmth finally hits, flowers will flourish beside her. Yellow, pink, lavender… her favorite colors, she told me.” A sad smile graced his features. “The view there is… unlike any other.”

“It’s not right, Lucien. None of it is.” Her voice broke, and so did she.

For the first time in years, she burst out crying. Her shoulders shook with the violence of it. She buried her face in her hands, sobbing like a child. But he didn’t move away, even when she shoved her palm against his chest in warning. “I know, sweetheart, I know.” He pulled her in against his chest and she dropped down to the floor beside him, holding onto him for dear life. Lucien’s warmth engulfed her entirely, the light sandalwood smell drifting into her nose. But the tears just kept coming, pouring out like it would never stop.

All he said was, “I know,” over and over. He didn’t shed a tear, but through the sound of her heartache, she could hear his own.

Hours, it felt like hours had passed by in this state of despair. Their legs tangled together and her arms clutched around his chest. Finally Kate stilled, still caught in his embrace. The thumping of his heartbeat had quieted down together with hers, pulling them back to the life waiting around them.

She pushed up, every limb protesting the movement. Lucien pulled away slightly, allowing space to filter in between them. Immediately, she missed the warmth of his presence.

What is wrong with me? He just admitted to burying a girl.

And he did it for you. To save your life. It was like having a devil and an angel perched on her shoulders, squabbling over what was right. Only nothing was right in this whole situation.

But by the wavering confidence in his stare, the way he stayed by her side. Kate knew it did haunt him. That stoic persona he liked to shroud himself in wobbled, out of balance by what he had done to keep her safe.

Maybe it was because of the loneliness pressing down on her at the thought of pulling away, or because of her own fucked-up childhood, or simply insanity. But she leaned in to him, watching the shock spark to life when she laid her hand against his cheek and pressed her lips against his.

Lucien froze, and she thought he might pull away again. Instead, he kissed her back. Must have noticed the clumsiness in her attempt, for he took over, warm lips brushing up against hers tentatively but without hesitation.

She let him guide the pace, following his lead before bumping her nose against his. A soft chuckle ensued before his hand came up to cup her chin, angling her slightly to the right with a whispered, “You sure know how to keep surprising me, sweetheart.” before his lips met hers once more, expertly weaving his way into her racing heart.

There was no more nose bumping as she found their rhythm. Lucien’s hand slipped beneath her sweater, finding the small of her back, he tugged her flush against him.

Kate pulled back the tiniest bit, enough to declare in a gasping whisper. “I’m not looking away from you.” But he drew her right back in, brushing over her temple with a feather light kiss. Letting his appreciation show not in words but in touches. He tilted her neck back gently and to the side, exposing her collarbone. Her entire being shook as he leaned in to nuzzle her neck, goosebumps forming as he bared her skin, pulling back her sweater to trail over her with more kisses.

Muscles drawn taut, he withdrew to lean his forehead against hers for a second time. Asking breathlessly, “Is this okay?”

She nodded, intoxicated. Okay, didn’t even cover half of what she was feeling. Joy, relief, and pain so heavy she thought her heart might burst into a thousand pieces.

She crushed her mouth against his once more, lips moving faster and faster. She clutched at his t-shirt, desperately bringing him even closer. “I want to be with you.” Shut it all out was what she neglected to say.

“I know.” He backed away, halting her efforts. “But it won’t stop the pain.”

She stilled. Everything, he read everything that she felt. As clearly as though she’d spelled it out at a goddamn spelling competition.

“Besides.” He went on, pulling her back from the edge of a canyon. “I’m a gentleman, remember? I’ll have to court you first.”

Before she could come up with a reply, a faint buzzing noise echoed out through the room. She leaned back to glance at him, but he was already digging for the phone in his pocket, with a frown, he flipped it out.

His eyes sped over the text before he turned the phone to show her. She read it aloud. “Time to visit a grave, brother. Bring your best clothes.” A nervous twitch ticked in the corner of her eye. “Max?”

“Jup.” He offered her his hand, pulling her up to her feet. “Sooner than I had expected but that just means this will all be over after tonight.”

Only it wouldn’t. The aftermath of this would leave both of them reeling. And the nightmares, they would only plague her more knowing that Isabel hadn’t gotten to live the life she deserved. But maybe, when the nightmares visited, she could rely on Lucien. And when his actions threatened him, haunted him. She could find a way to silence the voices. If only for a little while.

She stepped back, crossing her arms over each other. “Will you be safe?” Even asking the question had a lump sitting squarely in her throat. Not now, she couldn’t lose him.